I took my baby to my best friend's wedding after she asked me not to

"He was uninvited after she found out he could walk. But on the initial invite, she had said babies were welcome..." the mum wrote.

Yes, another kids-at-weddings debate.

Some couples are all for a big family-friendly celebration, while others want their weddings to be adults-only zones.

This can spark some heated discussions between the couple and their guests, but usually, if everyone's on the same page from the get-go, usually things go down pretty smoothly.

But that wasn't the case for one woman, who took to a forum to explain how she brought her baby to her friend's wedding, despite being told not to.

It's not as bad as it sounds, because at first, the bride was like, "Babies are welcome!" But when she found out that the OP's eight-month-old could walk, the bride did a full 180 on her and said he can't come.

But with lots of money down the drain on travel and accommodation, plus the fact she was breastfeeding - she took her baby anyway.

Here's what went down. 

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"I told her I couldn't not bring him at such late notice"

The poster explains: "Invites went out a year in advance and I was pregnant at the time. They asked that children not attend (with a couple of exceptions for families) but stated that babies were allowed to attend.

"I knew that we'd be tight for money by the time the wedding rolled around as I would be on maternity leave so I immediately booked the travel, car hire, and hotels to make sure we could afford to go. The wedding was in the middle of nowhere so I also wanted to make sure I could stay close to the venue as I'd be travelling with baby.

"Two weeks before the wedding and I meet the bride for coffee (we've been busy and not seen each other a few months). My son was an early walker, walking at eight months. He's almost a year old when we meet and she comments on how 'advanced' he is for his age. She doesn't say anything else but later messages to say she didn't realise my son would be walking already and please could I not bring him to the wedding."

Understandably, the OP was "extremely shocked" especially because she'd already paid for everything. 

"I tell her I'm sorry but I can't not bring him now with such late notice. She suggests we get a babysitter but it's super expensive and I've never left him with anyone before", the woman continued. "I can tell she's annoyed but she doesn't say anything else. (She and her husband are very wealthy so I'm not sure she understands how tight we are for cash while I'm not working).

The mum took her baby anyway

"We attend with him and there are about four other babies his age there but none are walking. There are also about three other young children ages approximately four to seven."

The mum says her son was "as good as gold" and "didn't make a peep." She even took him out during speeches just to be safe. She said, "He's a great sleeper so I put him to sleep in his pram after dinner and I was looking forward to spending a couple of hours there before heading back."

She continued, "However, the bride's mother approaches me immediately after dinner and basically strongly suggests we leave now. I'm really upset by this (we've only been there for three hours and it's taken eight hours of travel to get there). But I feel unwelcome at this point so we leave."

The mum concluded: "It kind of ruined our friendship as I feel that she behaved badly. I accept that it's her wedding and she should be able to specify her wants on her day but I feel like two weeks' notice when I had planned carefully so far ahead in order to be able to attend was unfair, especially since other babies were there. Am I the a**hole?"

Image: IStock

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"It didn't say just babies who could walk"

Most people pointed out that she had planned everything based on the bride's original green light so she wasn't really in the wrong.

One person said: "I wanted to say YTA for bringing your son after she said specifically not to, but given the fact that you were told babies would be ok, I'm gonna say NTA.

"An eight-month-old is still a baby in my opinion. Unless the other babies around your kid's age were excluded or made to leave... But even then, still NTA."

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Then a second wrote: "The invite said babies were allowed. It didn’t say ‘only babies that can’t walk’. And she seemingly gave you permission by accepting your answer when you said a babysitter wasn’t an option.

"IF she had offered to fully reimburse all your costs as an apology for basically uninviting you a few weeks before the wedding, that would be acceptable but still pretty rude IMO. But she was completely in the wrong here."

And a third agreed, writing: "With only two weeks' notice it’s not reasonable of your friend to make that request. Like you said, if you’d known about this from the start you would have made the appropriate arrangements. If she meant non-mobile babies only she should have said that. But she didn’t.

"It was really rotten of her to send her mum to kick you out over it. I understand this was a stress point for the bride, but kicking someone out over a sleeping baby is just pettiness."

"You even took the initiative to duck out at certain points"

Then this person highlighted the friend's rudeness by summarising the situation like this: "Friend had guidelines that you abided by.

"Friend meets baby and then decides that it's not a baby? That's very odd because babies/infants are from birth to one, then after it's a toddler. Just because baby is advanced in walking sooner doesn't make it not a baby.

"Baby is perfect through the ceremony, and you even took the initiative to duck out at certain points.

"Bride's mother decides to be an asshole and makes you feel like you were in the wrong."

This article was originally published in August 2023 and was updated in March 2024. 

Originally published as I took my baby to my best friend's wedding after she asked me not to