I told my neighbour that my baby is more important than his sleep schedule

"I set multiple alarms throughout the night as I have to express for my premmie baby, but he doesn't understand or care," the mum explained. So, is the mum in the wrong?

A woman has taken to a forum to ask for advice after an altercation with her neighbour about prioritising her baby over his sleep schedule. 

Posting to the Am I The A**hole forum, the user explained her dilemma, saying that her premmie baby, who was born three months early, is currently in the NICU as she still has periods of Bradycardia where she stops breathing, her oxygen drops and her body goes bright blue. 

"There's no current projection for when she's coming home. The only thing I can do to help her is to give her cuddles and provide her milk, which means expressing for 20 minutes minimum on each boob every two to three hours, including overnight," says the new mum.

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The neighbour confronted the mum about her alarms in the night

She explains that she lives in an apartment where noise carries to her neighbour downstairs very easily, no matter how much she tries to minimise it. 

The mum expresses milk overnight, once at 11:30 p.m., then at 1:00 a.m. and 6:30 a.m. and sets multiple alarms in order to stick to her schedule. 

On one particular morning, her neighbour knocked on her door and complained about the 1:00 a.m. alarm waking him up. 

She apologised and explained to him that she couldn't turn that specific alarm off because it's the expression that impacts her milk flow and doing that expression will prompt her to produce more milk over the day.

She says, "I'm already under enough stress that my milk flow has already been impacted (I was producing around 100 ml and I'm down to 50 to 70 ml). I need the alarms because I cannot miss my expressions, I already feel guilty enough that I'm not producing as much as I was.

"He said I should just turn the alarm off, and I responded that I can't because I can't afford to sleep through my expressions times. He then said that I should express after 5 a.m., which isn't possible because the hormones that help produce more milk are at their peak at between 1 a.m. and 4 a.m," she said.

After he did some more complaining, the mum angrily told her neighbour: "My daughter is premature, she needs my milk and I will do everything to make sure she's got as much as she needs, including waking you up at 1 a.m. because I need to express! She is my priority, not your sleep."

She then closed the door in his face.

Image: IStock

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"You need to work out how to express without destroying him"

Ultimately, the forum voted in favour of the neighbour, saying that the mum was being the a**hole in the situation.

"You refuse to even think of a way to not disturb your neighbour. You just unilaterally decided it's wake him up or don't express but there are other options," one person said.

Another added: "Sounds like you are going through a tough time but your alarm should not be waking up your neighbours. How would you feel if your neighbour made unreasonable noise at 1 a.m. waking you and your baby?"

Even another mum of a premmie baby said she was in the wrong. She wrote: "I had a premmie baby who was in the hospital for a few weeks post birth so I totally understand you stress. However… you will need to wake up to the baby yourself when it's home."

Another added, "It is very sad what is happening with your baby, but it does not have to be anyone else's problem. The guy was more than decent to come talk to you in a civil way but you, as an entitled parent, feel like the world revolves around you and your kid's needs."

"He is legally entitled to the reasonable enjoyment of his home which you are preventing. If you stop someone else sleeping every single night for weeks on end you ruin their life. That's a huge thing. You need to work out how to express without destroying him like that," concluded a different man. 

"It's an alarm, but he can go back to sleep. Take care of your baby!"

On the other hand, others stuck up for the mum.

One person wrote: "If the alarm can be heard so loudly through the ceiling, then there is a problem with the building structure and the building administrator can look at that.

"OP is entitled to set an alarm clock at any time of the day or night. Whether she then works shifts or wants to watch the sunrise on the beach, is irrelevant."

Then a second wrote: "I can't imagine someone could be in trouble for setting an alarm to wake up no matter what the reason is. She isn't playing music or running a vacuum."

And a third replied, "Sorry downstairs neighbour, living in an apartment sometimes comes with noise. You have to feed your baby. If it wasn't the alarm, it would be a crying infant waking him up. It's annoying, but he can go back to sleep. Take care of your baby!"

Originally published as I told my neighbour that my baby is more important than his sleep schedule