I told my kids' stepmum that my children aren't hers

"I said some other pretty vicious things, but all my effs were all gone." Can you relate to this mum's position?

A mum has shared the challenges of co-parenting with her ex's partner, in a post that's resonated with many.

She explains that she and her ex divorced 10 years ago, and the new partner *Becky, came onto the scene very quickly.

After some counselling, the couple is in a good place, but the mum still finds it hard work with the stepmum.

"I tried to like her, but she talks a lot, is very opinionated and tends to interfere with our parenting agreements. She'll cause delays in pick-up times and calls [to me] by hiding their phone.

"She's tried to get them to refer to her as a 'mum'. Last week, she took them to a theme park that I had already made plans and bought the tickets to take them," she writes.  

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"I told her that she was only their stepmum"

But that wasn't an isolated incident.

"My son called to ask me personal questions as they wanted to look up my family history on an ancestry site. When he came home, I told him to wait, and we would do that together. I had signed up for a genealogy site a few months ago. I found two family matches in my ex's town when I signed in.

"Becky did precisely what I asked her not to do. We had previously discussed social media and computer access, and I was very explicit that I didn't want my kids' info out there.

"I blew up and told her that she was only their stepmother. They are not HER children and she has no right to stick her nose into our affairs. I know I said some pretty vicious things that truly escaped me, but my effs were all gone."

The mother told her ex that from now on, she would not be communicating with Becky, only him, and "to have the kids' stuff packed up and ready to go home when we came next week, as they will not be back for a while."

She ended her post wondering if the blowup was justified, as her children were caught in the middle.

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"She uses that time to work on your kids"

Overwhelmingly, users sided with the mother, given the stepmum didn't respect the parameters she set for her children when they were visiting their dad. 

"You had some boundaries, and she’s not accepting them, not to mention trying to get your kids to call her mum. Did you overreact a little? Possibly. But your ex-husband and you need to sit down and outline these concerns because it will only get worse from here," one concerned parent wrote. 

Image: iStock

Another agreed: "NO MORE VISITS WHEN DAD IS OUT OF TOWN. She uses that time to work on your kids. If dad isn't home, she shouldn't have the kids. Period. She's an interloper and has zero right to make a single decision for them. Hiding their phones is already too much."

"Step-monster has used up all her chances," one user adds. "She should not ever be in the presence of your kids - and your ex needs supervised visits only. Neither one understands boundaries, so until they get a clue, no effs are available. OP - protect your kids and do what you know is right."

One simply said, "She needs to learn that your kids aren't hers."

The OP shared an update: " I got a call from my daughter. My ex and Becky had a big blowup, and he left the house. I called my ex's mother, who lives close to him, and she went over to pick up the kids. They will be coming home with me, and I contacted my attorney today."

Originally published as I told my kids' stepmum that my children aren't hers