I snapped at my son because of a work email. I feel so guilty and hate myself

"School holidays are so hard when you're a work-from-home parent who can't afford daily vacation care or the month off," a Sydney mum says.

One of the hardest things about being a parent is being pulled in 500 directions at the same time.

This is especially if you work from home, and then multiply that stress by 100 during the school holidays.

School holidays are so hard when you're a work-from-home parent who can't afford daily vacation care or to take the month off.

I know many mums, regardless of whether they have an income-based job or not, feel the immense pressure to balance domestic chores, ensuring the kids are entertained, and fed... without support let alone any time for self-care, during term breaks.

But it became too much for me at precisely 6am on Monday morning; I handled it badly and I hate myself for it.

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"It's an impossible juggling act"

On Monday morning, I was up at 5am to get ahead of my work - thinking it would make it easier to pay attention to my six-year-old for at least some time throughout the day.

I had been lucky enough to have the public holidays off and a couple of extra days, but last week it was time to buckle down again. I had booked my kid into two vacation care days for each week of the remaining four weeks of the school break. That's the most I could justify - which is another dilemma work from home mums have - "If I'm here, although working, how do I spend $90 a day for vac care?"

I don't know about you, but I'm a 'put one foot in front of the other' kinda mum, to make it through. In general, it's stressful but I manage to balance one activity on my son's home days, while getting a full day's work done for my job.

But I discovered on Monday, sometimes that just won't be possible, and fires will need to be put out. I woke to a very angry email from my boss, who'd forwarded an angry email from a client, who was unhappy with a project I'd been working on.

If you've ever had an email like that, you'd know your pulse rate rises and your heart sinks and your brain is working frantically to respond.

And just at that moment, my kid walked into my bedroom and said with a sunshine smile, "Good morning, mummy."

And I snapped, "Oh my god, I was just trying to get some work done before you got up!"

His little face just closed down and he silently went away.

Image: iStock

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"No one's needs are met"

That little face will be etched in my memory, because I had done something unforgivable.

The one person whose happiness mattered the most to me - and I had broken his little heart.

The person I'm doing all of this for - I put my work and my boss above being a mum.

It was such a shitty thing to do. Yes, I could say I was doing the best I can - that's what I would tell a friend in the same situation, and it's what I know deep inside.

But I also knew that in that moment, when I was trying to reply to my boss to calm him down, take care of the client, get ahead of my workday so I could pay attention to my kid at some point - I was actually meeting no one's needs - and especially not mine.

So I made a decision to never, ever, put my kid last like that again. Of course there will be times when I'm concentrating and I need to say, "I just need 10 minutes to finish this."

But that day reminded me that the least my kid deserved was a "good morning" from the woman who's his world - because that won't last forever.

Originally published as I snapped at my son because of a work email. I feel so guilty and hate myself