I said no visitors after my baby's birth - but my mum ignored the rule

"She stayed for about 20 minutes and didn't apologise at all." Do you think the grandmother's reason is acceptable?

Visiting a newborn in hospital isn't what it used to be.

People in general don't demand it, nor do mums who've just given birth expect/want it.

But the memo hasn't been read by everyone. And, as one new mum discovered this week, even when it is read, it can still be ignored.

Have an anonymous question you desperately need answered? Submit a question to our Advice Needed column.

AITA for being mad my mum came to the hospital after I had my baby?

Writing on Reddit to gauge the vibe to her experience, the new mum wrote:

"Myself (F26) and my husband (M28) are both very easy-going people, although I do put boundaries in place when needed as I am very private.

"Once we found out I was pregnant, I told both of our families we did not want visitors in the hospital as we wanted the time together. They agreed and we said if we changed our minds we would text them.

"Well we welcomed our first baby a month ago. The whole birth process did not go expected and took a lot longer than we hoped (due to induction and c section), but in the end we were both healthy so it wasn't the end of the world. We let our parents know that our baby was here and healthy and reminded them we will reach out when we are ready for visitors.

"Less than 24h after birth, we hear a knock on the door and the door opens. I expected a nurse, doctor or any other hospital staff and instead walks in my mum. My husband and I are shocked and said we didn't want visitors yet. She broke down in tears and said she thought something was going to happen to me and she has been stressed since we arrived at the hospital.

"She had a weird feeling that something bad happened and that I wasn't going to make it so she HAD to come to see for herself. My husband had been updating family the whole time and I was never in any concerning condition. Of course my husband and I are pissed, which I made very clear and told her if she isn't following our boundaries now then we won't be able to trust her in the future with our baby.

"She stayed for about 20 minutes and didn't apologize at all.

"She is only allowed to see the baby when we are okay with it, which is the same as everybody else. It is just making us reconsider how much we trust her in the future."

Image: iStock

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"A wonderful invention called a phone"

Many commenters didn't think the grandmother should have rocked up unannounced.

"There is this wonderful invention called a phone, she could have called or text you," one wrote.

Another said, "It would be one thing if the mum was texting and calling without getting a response, but it sounds like that wasn’t the case at all since the husband was texting the family with updates."

Some were convinced this was a boundary issue, with one writing, "I think it's ok to worry about boundaries with her in the future."

But many others were on the grandmother's side.

One observed: "You’ve said in comments she’s normally respectful of your boundaries and wishes. Is it possible she genuinely was worried? I’m a mum. I know you’re a new mum but you’re gonna realize in the next two years that when it’s YOUR kid logic kinda goes out the window. I’m not saying she was right to show up. However. I have gone completely illogical before when I thought my daughter was in danger."

And this person added, "You just had a baby which you hold dear. Now imagine raising it for 26 years and it has an intense medical situation. You’re going to want to see that everyone is okay."

Originally published as I said no visitors after my baby's birth - but my mum ignored the rule