‘I know a family that named all their kids after brands of spirits’

A veteran paediatric nurse has shared the worst baby names she’s ever come across, including one child that was unfortunately named “Major Paine”.

Pilar Grace

2 min read

May 11, 2023 - 7:31PM

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When it comes to naming their children, some parents go traditional, like Jonathan.

Others do conventional names with an unconventional spelling, like Madalyn.

And some parents throw out the rule book, choosing names for their children that never existed before, and may never exist again.

When you work in a paediatric clinic, one of the unexpected perks of the job is coming across all kinds of names, from the run-of-the-mill to the weird-and-wonderful (or sometimes not wonderful).

A veteran paediatric clinic worker took to Reddit to share the worst names they’ve come across on the job.

“Every single one of these is a real, unfortunate child,” the anonymous staff member said.

Most of them are hard to believe, but the staffer assured members of the popular forum that none of the names were made up.

So what were the names? “Prime Minister” was the name of one child. “Major Paine” was another.

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Poor little Coors, Brand, Courvoisier and Seagrams. Photo: iStock

Paediatric clinic worker reveals worst baby names

The singleton names were bad, but we reckon the twins had it worse. One was named Menage. The other was named A’Trois.

And then of course there were four siblings, each named after a different brand of spirit.

Courvoisier was one child, then there was Cognac. At least when she wasn’t with her siblings, “Brandy” could pretend she had a normal name, but Coors, named after a cheap American beer, had no hope at fooling anyone into thinking his name was common.

“These names have burned into my brain,” the employee said.

Reddit loves bad baby names

The Reddit community thought the names were hilarious.

“Major Paine’s mum clearly didn’t have a good labour experience,” one person said.

“Menage (twin sister A’Trois). WHAT THE F**K. Do not name your children after a sex act!” said another. “Even if that’s how they were conceived!”

Others agreed that “Brandy” was the best of the bunch.

“Damn. Brandy is the lucky one… imagine being named ‘Coors,” one person said.

“Brandy got off light there,” said another.

One parent shared their own story of strange baby names, but said in this case, the parents (and kids) pulled the names off gracefully.

“There were two ‘rocker’ babies in my kid’s baby group, a Floyd (Pink Floyd) and an Axel (Axl Rose – so kudos to the parents for at least using that spelling, not Axl). In both cases the rocker link was deliberate, the parents were both music fans,” they said.