I made my daughter’s top bunk bed: what I discovered was disgusting chaos

"It was like a Clean Up Australia Day mission, but without the good feels."

There are moments in parenting that I put into a special basket, one aptly titled, WTAF (what the actual f**k).

They are placed into this basket in my brain because there is no explanation as to why they have happened, and I often wish they never did happen.

What happened with my daughter's top bunk bed recently is one such moment.

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"She'd been sleeping in a bunk of crap"

It all started when my daughter was on camp. She normally sleeps on the top bunk, a bed requested by both my daughters a couple of years ago because despite having their own beds and rooms, they wanted to “be together” and who was I to deny that?

So, anyway, usually she sleeps on the top but if it gets hot, she will play a game of musical beds and move into the bottom double bed, or even pull out the trundle and sleep there. Because of this ‘bed rotation’ and in an attempt to teach life skills (and save my ageing back), I ask my daughter to make the top bunk and change the sheets whenever it is washing day.

Long story short, I never make the top bunk. That's my defence.

But while she was away, I thought I’d be nice and wash the sheets and make her bed for her return home. So up I climbed.

That is when I saw it: the bunk of crap.

No not actual crap (although for a while I wasn’t sure). Instead, it was a bunk that had been transformed from a place for sleep into an area of absolute disgusting chaos.

Source: supplied

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"How did she fit into the bed?"

Along with the usual items you find in a child’s bed, you know a doona, sheet, pillows and the like, there were toys. Not just one or two but over 15 soft toys, along with a Barbie (in a sock) and a Transformer.

And? You ask.

In addition to the toys that took up a good 1/3 of her bed, there was also a pencil case that had been opened and was now upside down with its contents somehow filling the entire boundary of her bed frame in between it and the mattress. These contents included everything from pens, textas, pencils, glue sticks, sharpeners and rulers - many without lids.

Then there were colouring books, a notebook and other arts and crafts items... when she literally has a desk for that stuff.

Outside of her 'art collection', I found her missing earring and watch, my missing dressing gown tie, four room-temperature ice packs, discarded pyjamas, scattered books, a camera, a hydrate icy pole (not used and a no longer frozen), used tissues everywhere, three half-full drink bottles, random coins, a purse without coins, and an unplugged lamp from the living room.

To be honest, I don’t even know how she fit into the bed, but it became very apparent why she was having trouble getting to sleep on so many nights.

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"This had been the state of the bed for a year"

Between the undoubtedly uncomfortable stationary-infused mattress and everything else around and on the bed that would make finding a comfortable sleeping position pretty much non-existent, and with the plentiful distractions she had to choose from before deciding to perhaps catch some ZZZs, I am surprised she has had any sleep at all since beginning to make her own bed about a year ago.

While surprised, shocked, confused and just WTAF-ed, I persevered with the bed-making, which now became more like a Clean Up Australia Day mission.

The work took longer than anticipated and was indeed an eye-opener (in many ways). While I can't say that I ever want to do that again, I will admit that along with wondering WTAF, as I looked down at her sister’s pristine bed, organised like Marie Kondo's, I did laugh because, well…kids.

This story was published in October 2023 and updated in October 2024.

Originally published as I made my daughter’s top bunk bed: what I discovered was disgusting chaos