I heard every detail of my neighbour's grisly home birth

A woman says she was left distressed and confused after hearing every detail of her neighbour's home birth.

The neighbour had experienced quite a loud and long birth, which the woman did not seem to appreciate.

She explained on Slate's advice column Care and Feeding that she lives with her family on the ground floor of an apartment building in a large city.

When neighbours Stu and Chelsea moved in a year-and-a-half ago they were expecting their first child. At first, they kept to themselves and beyond engaging in some simple chit-chat about children, they didn't get to know them well at all.

Things seemed quite mundane overall. However, that all changed early one morning when they were startled awake by an unusual noise next door.

"A month after they arrived, we were awoken at 5 a.m. by Chelsea’s scream - her water broke a week early," she said. " Then, because our bedroom shares a wall with their living room, we heard what turned out to be the beginning of a planned home birth!"

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The woman wasn't happy to hear her neighbour's home birth. Picture: iStock

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She was left shaken

She said that somehow her son slept through the noise and she took him to preschool just like any other day. However, both her and her husband usually worked from home so they had to make other arrangements and worked from a cafe instead.

When they returned home, "she was pushing".

The woman wondered if it was wrong of Chelsea to have a home birth in the apartment, given it was in close proximity to others who could hear what was going on.

"I absolutely understand why some people choose home births, and I had a great experience myself having a fairly natural water birth, but I had it at a hospital because we lived in an apartment."

She said that the rest of the day was really awkward.

"I felt really uncomfortable all day, as we heard every gritty detail of Stu and Chelsea’s home birth."

Also, she believes that they should have been warned the home birth was going to be going ahead.

"We had told them about the thin walls in our building when they first moved in! We mentioned it because our son can be loud. Honestly, we were confused and upset that they hadn’t let us know this would be happening."

The woman said she had been debating bringing up the issue with her neighbours, but decided the timing was off with them having a newborn.

She mentioned their baby is now a year old and she would like to let the issue go, however Chelsea is pregnant again and this time it would be nice to be able to plan around the home birth if it were to be on the cards again.

"My husband and I don’t want to be caught off guard again, and we want to find a way to ask them what the plan is and finally discuss how the lack of information last time unexpectedly scrambled our work and life. But we also really don’t want to seem rude or judgmental - it’s their kid’s birth after all, we just would like to know if we’ll be hearing it.

"All we want is to know in advance if we should have a backup workday and childcare plan, but I worry that it might come off as mum-shaming or Karen behavior. How can we politely discuss this with Chelsea and Stu?"

RELATED:  'I can't stand the neighbours' screaming kids'

However, babies don't work to a schedule and will be born when they are ready. Picture: iStock

'Not a great plan to bring it up'

The idea of approaching their neighbours to ask if they were planning another home birth was deemed an unwise one.

"I don’t think there is a 'polite' way to do that - especially since you want to tell them that when their daughter was born, it inconvenienced, upset, and confused you - what is to be gained by telling them that?", Slate columnist Michelle Herman responded.

She also pointed out that it would be difficult for them to pinpoint the day when the birth would happen, even if they were forewarned. So there is little point confronting them in an effort to plan, as there's nothing to gain.

Babies can arrive "early" or "late", not to a schedule.

"What purpose would be served by this conversation, except to let them know that you heard what you heard, it made you uncomfortable, and you disapprove of their intention to do it again - if that is indeed their intention."

Ultimately, it could all end up backfiring.

"But sounds to me like you’re hoping a conversation with Stu and Chelsea will steer them in the direction of a hospital birth. So be honest with yourselves, and decide whether you want to be the people who, for their own sake, ask their neighbors to please not have a home birth again.

"If the answer is yes, then don’t be surprised if Stu and Chelsea never speak to you again."

Originally published as I heard every detail of my neighbour's grisly home birth