'I got told that I had zero sperm - I felt like I wasn't a man'

"At no stage would you ever say that one of the things you admire most about yourself is a high sperm count." 

Sam Hargraves had been moments away from going on air when a phone call changed everything. 

Suddenly, the Melbourne sport broadcaster was faced with a battle he could never have anticipated. One that made him question the very essence of what it means to be a man.

“I got told that I had zero sperm," Sam told Kidspot. 

“I remember straight away feeling like, oh, then that means I'm not a man.” 

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"I've got a hunch and I might have a problem and I want to go get it tested"

This week, during Men’s Mental Health Week, Sam is using his platform to amplify the conversation around male infertility. 

He wants to make one thing critically clear: “What defines you as a man is what's in your heart. Not in your testicles.” 

It's a perspective he's gained through a journey that many men might shy away from.

Sam, and his partner Evie, had been trying to conceive naturally for a while before turning to a fertility specialist. 

While Evie had her own infertility struggles, Sam had a feeling that the issue could equally be on his end. 

“I think I just bit the bullet and said, 'I've got a hunch, I might have a problem and I want to go get it tested,'” Sam explained. 

The test itself was a piece of cake.

“I've said to a few men and a few mates, without being crass, this is something you've been practicing for your whole life. This is the easiest thing you'll ever do,” he said. 

“I thought I was prepared for the worst. I really still wasn't." 

Sam was told by doctors that he had zero sperm. Not a single one. 

“All at once I felt embarrassed. I felt ashamed. I felt less than. Like I'm not a man,” he revealed. 

He also felt as if he’d let his partner down, who he knew wanted so badly to be a mum. 

His mental health took a hit from the news. One of his first calls was to his dad. 

“I burst into tears and even said to him, ‘I'm not a real man.’ He just said, ‘Well, you know, that's not true,’” Sam recalled.

This week, during Men’s Mental Health Week, Sam is using his platform to amplify the conversation around male infertility. Image: Supplied

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“I don't think anyone grows up wanting to be the face of men's infertility"

Sam is far from alone in experiencing male infertility. 

“Sperm problems are more common than people realise. Male factors contribute to around 30-40% of infertility cases,” Doctor Chandrika Parmar told Kidspot. 

The Director and fertility specialist, at Genea in Melbourne, says the concern arises from two main causes: obstructive azoospermia (due to a physical blockage in the reproductive tract, caused by past infections, surgeries or injury) or non-obstructive (when the testicles don’t produce sperm properly due to hormone imbalances, genetic conditions or damage from treatments).

But the good news: testing is straightforward and there are many options for men who face sperm difficulties.

“For men with low sperm count, lifestyle changes like quitting smoking, reducing alcohol, improving diet, and managing stress can help,” Doctor Parmar said.

“Even in cases of azoospermia, there are still options, including surgical sperm retrieval or donor sperm.”  

Sam credits his support network, specifically his partner Evie, as what got him through the difficult times. 

“She was amazing. She was incredible and still is to this day. She's a superhero,” Sam boasted. 

Despite heartbreaking setbacks along the way, they didn’t stop fighting for a second, and were able to achieve their dream family thanks to the common and successful approach of IVF with ICSI (Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection).

“We now have not one, but two miracles and we’re incredibly lucky,” Sam shared. 

"I would love more men to be able to have these conversations"

Now, through his story, Sam wants other men to know that one of the most powerful things they can do in the face of infertility is to talk about it. 

“I don't think anyone grows up wanting to be the face of men's infertility, but I would love more men to be able to have these conversations,” Sam said. 

“If you were asked to list the best qualities about yourself or the best qualities about a man you admire, at no stage would you ever say that one of the things you admire most about that person or yourself is a high sperm count.”

In fact, the process has shown Sam exactly what he admires about himself. 

“I reckon I've become a better man since I found out that I was shooting blanks,” he explained. 

“Because what I went about doing to help with that process with exercise, diet, my relationship with alcohol. I've actually because of it become a better man and therefore I've become a better father off the back of infertility.”

Originally published as 'I got told that I had zero sperm - I felt like I wasn't a man'