I gifted my friend baby goods and then saw them on FB Marketplace

"I felt used - like my generosity was taken advantage of. So I phoned her."

I would like to consider myself a generous person, especially to my friends.

Fortunately, I am in a financial position where I can do this without any worry and I often shout dinner or drinks, take people out to celebrate milestones of successes and gift expensive presents for birthdays, weddings and other big events.

So, when a good friend of mine, *Stella recently announced she was pregnant after over five years of trying, I was thrilled for her and sent her an enormous bouquet of flowers to say congrats and made sure we had a catch-up planned ASAP so we could talk all things baby.

 As a mum of three, the past decade has been largely occupied by kid-related events or news, as most parents are, so because it was finally her time, I made sure to give a lot of attention to her and show my excitement about the whole process.

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Image: IStock

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"I noticed some familiar items on Marketplace a few weeks later"

When she was about five months along and we were meeting up one day, the topic of baby items came up and she told me how she was feeling the pressure of not only what to buy but about how she would be able to afford it all, all at once.

Later I thought about it more and knowing that I wasn’t having any more children of my own and that my youngest was only two, I thought that I could gift Stella some of the baby items that I still had.

I thought that I’d much rather have a good friend of mine use and treasure these items, rather than try and sell them or donate them to a stranger. Not only were many of them initially quite expensive but they had sentimental value too, so I thought this was a good outcome for all of us.

The next time I went to Stella’s for a coffee, I brought her my baby carrier, baby monitor, play mat, toys and some clothing. When I gave them to her, Stella was over the moon, she thanked me, hugged me and told me how appreciative she was.

So, you can imagine my surprise when a few weeks later I noticed some familiar items on Facebook Marketplace.

Actually, not some familiar items, all of the items I gifted Stella were now on sale on Marketplace (prices ranging from $20 for the clothing- to over $150 for the baby monitors), and the play mat had been sold. 

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Then came her excuse...

I told my husband to take a look- completely aghast about what I was seeing on my screen. His reaction was similar to mine, shocked that our items were now being sold by our friend and that she hadn’t even bothered to check if it was okay before doing it.

I sat on it for a while, not wanting to be rash and get into an argument about something that wasn’t worthwhile, but I couldn’t let it go, so I phoned Stella to ask her.

While she admitted she was selling, or had sold the items I gave her, she didn’t think there was anything wrong with doing so. She was surprised that I found this to be an issue at all, telling me that I had given these goods to her, so it was hers to do with as she saw fit and for her, this meant selling them and using the money to buy first-hand baby goods.

She said while she was initially grateful for receiving them and had planned on using them that she and her partner discussed the items later and decided they’d prefer to choose the products they wanted and although they were all in pristine condition, didn’t want second-hand baby items.

Ultimately, she argued that it was essentially the same thing, using the items or using the money from selling them. I did not agree.

I told Stella how upset I was that she had sold them without even considering me first, that if I had known she was going to do this, only weeks after I had given them to her, I would have made alternative arrangements, or even sold them myself.

I told her that for me, it wasn’t about the money but the principal, I just thought it was pretty disrespectful.

We couldn’t come to a mutual understanding and when she refused to give the items back, I stopped talking to her for a period while I tried to work through my anger and prioritise our friendship over just this one incident.

But the reality is, I just feel used, or like my generosity was taken advantage of and I don’t think that’s what friends should do.

Originally published as I gifted my friend baby goods and then saw them on FB Marketplace