Dad asks wife to change newborn's name as his mum can't pronounce it

"My wife said if I kept pushing it, she would get a separation," the new dad shared. 

In a heart wrenching yet complex post, a new dad has opened up about the dilemma he has faced after naming his newborn with his wife. 

The poster took to a parenting forum and explained: "My wife and I have a three-week-old baby daughter, our first. Her name is a bit uncommon — in the general family of Scarlett."

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She couldn't pronounce the name, so she used a nickname

He said that when he was younger, his mum raised him by herself and did everything she could to allow him to study in the US. Recently, she immigrated to be closer to his family, but she doesn't speak English at all, so there's been "a significant language barrier." 

This only became a real issue when he realised his mum couldn't pronounce their newborn daughter's name.

They had chosen it when his wife was still seven months pregnant and had kept it a secret until after the birth.

"She was completely unable to pronounce it. She was very embarrassed about it, but I promised her I would work with her on being able to say my daughter's name," the dad explained.

He continued: "Since then, she still can't say her name and has resorted to calling her 'Mouse' in our native tongue. It doesn't make my wife happy, but it's been an okay compromise. We had a family Zoom that my mum was a part of last week, and while she wasn't able to understand much, she was cooing at the baby.

"My MIL asked what she was saying, I told them that she was calling her mouse. My MIL laughed about it and asked why she didn't just call the baby by her name. I said she couldn't say the name which made my MIL laugh harder and ask my mum to 'just try.' I gave an excuse for the call to end, and my wife had an argument with her mother about making fun of my mum.

"My mum isn't fluent in English, but she knew she was being laughed at. She was extremely embarrassed by it all and hasn't wanted to speak to anybody since."

Image: IStock

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"She said it would destroy our baby's identity"

The dad then tried to initiate a conversation with his wife about changing their baby's name to accommodate his mum, but she shut him down. 

"She said it would be more embarrassing to tell everyone we'd changed the name because my mum 'couldn't figure it out' and then implied my mum needed to work harder on English, not us give into her 'demands' - even though she asked for nothing of the sort."

He then suggested a compromise, using the middle name as the first name, explaining "how important it was to me that my mum could have an active role in our baby's life."

She then threatened to push for separation if he kept trying to convince her. 

"She said I was asking her to compromise on her values and destroy our baby's identity," he concluded.

"The baby already has a name"

Commenters were torn between taking the OP's side (the baby is only three weeks old after all) and saying it's not something they should change. 

"NTA, but this is ridiculous. Plenty of kids have nicknames and the baby will not get confused it does not know things yet. Find a cute nickname you like that your mum can say and have her say that. If people ask just tell them it's my mum's nickname for her," one comment read.

Another said: "The only AH here is your MIL. It seems to me she's the only one here with any real issue with the nickname, your wife seemed relatively understanding of it until you insisted on completely changing the baby's name."

On the other hand, someone argued: "You can't suddenly tell your wife that the name you've both bonded over and chosen since before the little one was born, now needs to be changed just because your mother has a hard time pronouncing it! No no no!"

"YTA. The baby already has a name. You shouldn't change it just because your mother can't say it. Maybe see if your mother can say an actual nickname of it or her actual middle name," replied a different user. 

Originally published as Dad asks wife to change newborn's name as his mum can't pronounce it