Bullies nearly broke my son, but a Facebook post saved us both

"His face was in his hands, his body shaking with sobs. I'd never seen him like that before... I knew in that moment we needed something drastic to change, because he couldn't take it anymore."

"Why don't they like me? Why do they call me names?"

My then 12-year-old son asked me these questions one night a few years ago, his face in his hands, his body shaking with sobs. I'd never seen him like that before.

A group of Winston's classmates had been calling him "fa**ot" after he told them he was queer; hissing it as he walked past their desks, calling it out in corridors.

I know many of you have been in this position with bullying, either as kids or as parents. So you'll understand what I mean when I say I knew in that moment we needed something drastic to change.

Because he couldn't take it anymore.

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They didn't care, so we needed a miracle

Winston's school had always been appalled at this bullying and had taken many measures to ensure his safety and support his mental health.

But it was clear to me that night as I sat with my totally broken son that I also needed to fix this from within.

I didn't understand that. How could this child, who was absolutely adored, encouraged, uplifted by his mum, who was so resilient being raised by a sole parent, have such a shattered self-esteem - something I had worked so hard with him to build?

Well, real-life happened, so now it was my job to give him as many tools as I could to repair the damage before... well, before it was too late.

Because these kids weren't giving up.

At the same time, I didn't want Winston's education to suffer, so I set about finding him a maths tutor. He was struggling in that class, and I thought that some support would at least build his confidence in that area.

You may be reading this thinking, he needed counselling, woman! Rest assured, that was already in place.

And finding that maths tutor turned out to be the miracle we needed. 

Image: Nama Winston

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"Richard was a game-changer"

I wrote a simple post in my local Facebook community group.

"Does anyone know of a reputable maths tutor?"

A woman named Sarah replied, "My husband is a maths teacher at school X. This is his number."

Sarah, I know you'll read this story at some point, and you deserve to know how much you changed the course of Winston's life that day. Thank you.

The teacher's name was Richard. He was actually teaching maths in my son's year level, so it was a perfect fit. He sounded solid on the phone, and so we made a plan to meet at his home.

But this would not be an indoors maths lesson, sitting at a desk and rote learning.

Richard's way of teaching kids like Winston was to understand them, and give them opportunities to be challenged. Their time together involved stair climbing at the park behind his house, lifting weights in the outdoor gym in his backyard. And as they worked out, they talked.

Richard used real world examples (like stairs and weights) to demonstrate maths practically. To a kid who wasn't responding well to traditional teaching, it was a game-changer.

But Richard wasn't just giving Winston what he needed to know to ace maths tests. He talked to him about skills he needed in life; resilience, grit, being present and yes, how to deal with bullies. He shared his own experiences, and gained his respect - and trust.

Richard, without me labelling it at the time, was mentoring my son. And saving him.

Winston with Richard in 2023. Image: supplied

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Winston was totally changed

Slowly but surely, Winston became a kid who really believed in himself, and could hold his head up high at school. The bullies lost their soft target. And I got a kid who knew how he deserved to be treated in life and what kind of person he wanted to be.

Most importantly, he had realised what I already knew: his vast worth. 

I can't thank Richard enough for recognising how much we both needed that.

So, parents, if you've got a tween or teen who needs something extra as they grow up, but you're not sure what - get yourself a Richard; you won't regret it.

Originally published as Bullies nearly broke my son, but a Facebook post saved us both