ADVICE NEEDED: My tween girl is asking me if the Elf on the Shelf is real

"Isn't she too old to believe the Elf magically moves around? Should I burst her bubble?" Kidspot's Jordana shares her parenting wisdom for this mum's dilemma.

"My daughter looked a bit embarrassed then explained it away that there are some elves that are real and some that are fake and asked me if that was true?” 

ADVICE NEEDED

My 12-year-old daughter came home yesterday and reported that her tutor had inadvertently told her that the Elf of the Shelf isn’t real. 

She said that as they were packing up for the end of the lesson, she asked her tutor about Christmas, just general chit chat. The tutor told her that she might start Elf on the Shelf with her kids this year - but broke the fourth wall when she said, “I don’t know if I’ll remember to change the silly thing that they’re doing each morning.”

My daughter replied, “Are they fake elves? My mum doesn’t move them.” 

Her tutor ushered her out before she could say anything else. I called the tutor to get more details and she said, “Your daughter looked a bit embarrassed then explained it away that there are some that are real and some that are fake and sort of asked me if that was true?” 

Is this ok at 12 years old? How do I tell her it’s not real? 

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RELATED: ‘My sister is weirdly extra with Elf on the Shelf’

JORDANA’S ADVICE 

I love hearing that in this day and age, a tween still believes in the magic of Christmas. That’s really special. Hold onto it for as long as you can. Once they’ve seen behind the curtain, there’s no going back. 

It’s always hard when someone else gives away the “truth” before you do, or to be there when they find out for themselves. If it was my kids, I would play it down for now. Don’t bring it up again and see how your daughter reacts. It could go one of two ways: she puts it out of her mind and moves on or she will rehash it and ask more questions. 

Your daughter may just want to keep up the ruse - let her. Act just as confused as your child. Say something like "I don't know... I didn't know if the elf could really move spots so I sometimes move it. Maybe I shouldn't have, after all, it's part of the magic of Christmas!" Then ask her if she thinks it’s a good idea for parents to move it or does she think you should leave it alone.

If it’s the latter, and she’s ready to hear that it’s not real, let her down gently - this is another milestone moment and transition from childhood to tween that can be confronting, depending on the emotional level of the child. 

Advice needed: Is my daughter too old for Elf on the Shelf? Image: iStock

RELATED: The Elf of the Shelf hack that will save your sanity this December

"My eldest is a big feelings kid"

My eldest is a big feelings kid, and if your daughter is the same, tread lightly. Be open and honest, while checking in with how she feels. 

You could say something like: "The Elf on the Shelf is something parents do to make the Christmas season a little more fun for kids, and I’m so sorry that you’re so smart to have figured it out."

If there are people around her that still believe that’s ok too, tell her “I’m proud of you for letting siblings/friends continue believing in the elf.”

As you have the conversation with her, make sure that she knows there’s no shame, that’s really what it comes down to, as you want her to know that her “naivety” isn’t a negative thing, she’s not immature, she simply is believing in something bigger that can’t be explained.

At any age, faith is a beautiful thing! 

Keep the magic alive 

You might also decide to share a “half-truth” and still keep the magic alive for a little longer. You can explain that there are different kinds of Christmas magic. That there is a special kind of magic which parents create for their children at Christmas. And that the responsibility for making that magic happen passes on to all those who are old enough to understand and to help.

The Elf on the Shelf is part of that magic - that is the excitement and the love and the thought that goes into making Christmas so special for young children.

Whichever road you decide to go down, I hope the lead up to Christmas is a happy one for you and your family!

Originally published as ADVICE NEEDED: My tween girl is asking me if the Elf on the Shelf is real