‘Married single mums’: Worrying new marriage trend emerges
A wife unable to do housework while unwell shared the filthy state her husband left the kitchen in – proving modern marriages “aren’t working”.
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A wife whose husband left a filthy kitchen for her to clean after being too sick to do housework for a week has highlighted how modern marriages “aren’t working”.
Hannah, who posts under the handle @healing_saddie, had been isolating on the upper level of her home with her young son after they’d both contracted Covid. Meanwhile her husband, who had “somehow escaped” the virus, lived downstairs as the pair got better.
So far, so good.
But trouble emerged once Hannah had recovered and she was able to go back downstairs – where she discovered the kitchen was a complete mess.
After “not stepping foot” inside the room for seven days because she was “too exhausted to move”, she explained it was “so much worse” than she “ever could have imagined”.
“I don’t want to even look in the sink because I know how bad it’s going to be,” she states in the clip, which has been viewed over 4.5 million times.
“The entire kitchen smells like vinegar, which means there’s rotting food hiding somewhere.”
Hannah, who documents her struggle maintaining a family home with mental health issues on TikTok, proceeds to document the intense cleaning process, even noting the “shame” she feels for having such a “disgusting” kitchen.
Despite the understandably infuriating situation, the American woman doesn’t have a bad word to say about her husband, a detail which quickly propelled the video to viral status.
Married women are ‘expected’ to do it all
Thousands of commenters were quick to slam the husband for seemingly trashing the kitchen and expecting his wife to take care of it once she got better.
Some even claimed it is an example of being a “married single mum,” a remark that garnered almost 160,000 ‘likes’.
For those who haven’t heard of the relatively new phrase, it describes married women who do everything for their children and the home, as if they were single and didn’t have a partner to help.
What is a ‘married single woman’?
Despite recently growing in popularity, the phenomenon isn’t new, and refers to the unequal division of tasks in heterosexual relationships, Melbourne psychologist Carly Dober explained.
“It’s similar to the discussion around the “mental load” which sees things like the planning and scheduling in relationships falling to the woman, as well as chores around the house such as washing, cooking, cleaning, and meal planning,” she told news.com.au.
“There’s an expectation that it will get done because it is seen as ‘women’s work’.
“However many women have seen what unequal partnering has done to other women in their lives, such as their mothers and grandmothers, and how this is either negatively contributed to their health, wellbeing and unhappiness.
“This is why we’re seeing it talked about more than ever, and the birth of new names which call out these tiresome stereotypes.”
Proof modern marriages ‘aren’t working’
The comments section on Hannah’s video supports this, with many women stating the clip has reminded them why they are “better off single”.
“You were sick with Covid, why didn’t your husband do the dishes and keep the kitchen up? No excuse,” one stated.
“You deserve so much more in your teammate,” another shared.
As one said: “I’m a stay at home mum and take on the ‘duty’ of household responsibilities, but my husband would step up and help in situations like this.” ️
Others argued Hannah should “divorce” her husband, stating there wasn’t a single valid reason why he couldn’t tidy the kitchen while she was sick.
“Husband somehow avoided cleaning the kitchen too,” one said.
“I’m confused. What did your husband do that whole time?” another asked.
“My husband would be looking for a new home,” someone else mused, as another apologised for what Hannah had to endure: “That’s actually insane I’m sorry.”
Ms Dober, who works at Melbourne’s Enriching Lives Psychology clinic, said more and more couples are “evaluating division of household chores” in response to the huge uptick in conversation as women “understand that each person in the household contributes to the mess or to the life, therefore they should be able to take responsibility and participate in the upkeep of the home or their life together.
“More women have entered the workplace and are also trying to navigate and juggle parenting and running a household and finding time for their health and wellbeing, which is an incredibly difficult juggling act,” she said.
“Therefore women are noticing more if they are not getting help and are advocating for this to change.
“The current status quo is not working.”
While divorce might be the answer for some, she recommends “weekly ‘state of the union’ discussions” to help partners alleviate building tensions.
“Talk openly about what’s going well in the relationship, what big things are coming up in their week, if the division of chores is working for them, what support they might need for this upcoming week, and ways that they can support the person to have time for themselves,” Ms Dober said.
“This promotes open transparent discussion, and it also prevents resentment from building up when things do not go unaddressed.
“In reality, the division of labour in a household will not always be 50-50 at all times, that’s kind of impossible when life can be quite dynamic.
“What we are looking for though, is a genuine attempt to ensure that it is somewhat equal and that both parties are supported.”
News.com.au has contacted Hannah for further comment.
Originally published as ‘Married single mums’: Worrying new marriage trend emerges
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