'Less entitlement': Mum shares divisive rules for kids' birthday gifts

Her most unusual rule involved withholding her pre-schooler's presents and making her "earn" them back. 

A mum on TikTok has gone viral for sharing the controversial birthday present rules she has for her daughter. 

The mum, Evee, took her followers through the list and said she was "totally open to debate," but she hoped these rules would help her raise her child, "with the right level of entitlement."

Want to join the family? Sign up to our Kidspot newsletter for more stories like this. 

There's one rule that people are finding the most controversial. Image: @workingwithmonolids

RELATED: Trolls say I’m frying my kids’ brains with TV 24/7

The list, from least controversial to most

Taking to TikTok, the mum began explaining her rules, starting from the least controversial to the most.

Number one was, "No opening presents in front of gifters."

She says that this is because she wants to be as sensitive as possible to all the guests.

"I'm very aware my daughter has friends from very different financial backgrounds  and I never want to put children in a situation where they compare gifts and potentially feel bad about what they gave."

Next up, "[My daughter] has to read the birthday card first."

Evee says that this is because she thinks people "really put effort in writing their thoughts and feelings" in there, so she wants her daughter to appreciate that.

Rule number three is sending a thank you message immediately after opening the gift. 

"In the future, she'll be writing thank you cards, but right now she can't write yet, so we film her saying thank you.," she explains.

"It's just when you're receiving 50+ gifts, if you're writing thank you cards at the end of it, you're not going to remember who gave what or the feeling you had when you opened the gift and eventually everything is just going to sound insincere or generic."

And lastly, the most controversial rule, her daughter has to "earn" her gifts. 

This rule doesn't apply to things like books or consumables like bath bombs which get used right away. But for everything else, like toys, her parents keep them and she has to earn them back. 

"I'm aware my child is very fortunate, and this is just one of the ways I can teach her to be a bit more grateful for what she has." 

Later in the comments, Evee explained how her daughter can earn her presents: "She has a reward chart, we also use that to earn screen time."

RELATED: I won’t throw my three-year-old a birthday party

"I feel like getting presents shouldn't have strings attached"

The comment section was divided, with some viewers believing the mum's approach to presents was reasonable, while others took issue with one rule in particular. 

"I love these ideas, especially the filming one!" someone wrote.

Another replied, "These are so thoughtful."

"I agree with everything except for the last rule," a different user stated. "The fact that you take control of something that's hers and make her earn it feels so wrong. That teaches her that nothing really belongs to her. Plus she can't enjoy anything nice without having to work for it. She already earned them by being a good friend."

Another agreed, saying, "I agree with all of them except the last one - I think getting kids to earn privileges is great, but when it's a birthday gift from someone I just feel like there shouldn't be strings attached."

Then a third said, "I think if you made her earn things she won’t enjoy casual gifts or acts of kindness in the future. She will just feel bad because she didn't earn it and if her partner in the future doesn't buy her gifts she will blame herself."

Evee's dad gave her daughter a Fendi bag when she was three. Image: @workingwithmonolids

The mum's reasons for making her daughter earn her gifts

In a follow-up video, Evee answered a lot of the commenter's concerns about why she chooses to make her daughter earn some of her presents. 

 

"I know my daughter is privileged and this is why I have to make sure she’s spoiled but not rotten," she captioned the clip. 

Her five reasons are:

There are too many toys. Apparently, her daughter receives 50+ presents for birthdays, 50+ for Christmas and random gifts from family throughout the year. For example, her dad got her daughter a Fendi bag when she was three - which Evee says she won't be having until she's 13.

She also mentioned her friends gift her daughter things for Easter, Halloween, Idul Fitri and Deepavali. In total, she estimates that she'll get 200-300 gifts per year. "Earning" them means they're spread out and she's not overwhelmed.

She needs to understand the value of toys. One time, her daughter broke a toy and was not upset about it at all. She just told her mum to "get her a new one." That was the moment Evee knew she needed to make her daughter earn them. 

She picks toys she actually likes instead of falling into peer pressure. Evee explains that when you have to earn your toys, you're going to pick something you really like, not just something your friends are getting in the moment.

She can have constructive arguments with her mum. Evee explains that she wants to encourage her daughter to talk back to her and argue her point in regard to why she deserves certain toys. Evee will allow her daughter presents without earning them if she can argue her point well. 

She never has tantrums in toy shops. Her daughter knows she can earn her toys so she feels empowered as it's totally up to her whether she gets one or not. This means she's not reliant on her mum saying yes or no, meaning there are fewer tantrums. 

Originally published as 'Less entitlement': Mum shares divisive rules for kids' birthday gifts