Is 'lemonading' the secret to a happier life?

No toxic positivity here

Sick of toxic positivity but desperately trying to change your mindset? Lemonading could be the ultimate hack to handle whatever life throws at you.

As the centuries-old saying goes, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade with a new flavour of the proverb trending in 2025: lemonading.

A term coined by researchers at Oregon State University, lemonading, or lemonaiding (I like what they did there), is about having a positive mindset or about finding something positive or useful in life’s challenges, says clinical psychologist and author, Dr Rebecca Ray.

“It’s not about pretending everything’s fine but rather looking for meaning, growth, or even just a small silver lining in tough situations,” she says.

Further to this, it adds a dash of playfulness to the recipe, or in other words, believes that having a playful attitude towards life can help you be more positive when times get tough.

As a discerning critic of all things toxic positivity, the idea of turning lemons into lemonade had my alarm bells ringing but reassuringly, Ray says that I can switch them off because lemonading isn’t an iteration of toxic positivity.

“Toxic positivity ignores or dismisses real feelings, pushing the idea that you should 'just stay/think positive' no matter what,” she says.

Further to this, it adds a dash of playfulness to the recipe, or in other words, believes that having a playful attitude towards life can help you be more positive when times get tough. Image: Pexels

“Lemonading, on the other hand, allows you to feel your emotions while also looking for something valuable in the experience. It’s a mix of realism and optimism, not blind positivity.”

A benefit of lemonading is that it can be applied to a whole host of situations- from work to home.

“Say you miss out on a promotion at work. It stings, but instead of staying stuck in frustration, you use it as motivation to upskill or explore other career options,” explains Ray.

“Say you miss out on a promotion at work. It stings, but instead of staying stuck in frustration, you use it as motivation to upskill or explore other career options,” explains Ray. Image: iStock.

Or for a romantic break-up, Ray says that lemonading encourages you to take your focus off the hurt and reflect on what you’ve learned, reconnect with friends, and rediscover personal interests.

The key sign that the lemonading approach is working effectively, Ray says is that you will feel more resilient in the face of setbacks.

“You’ll still experience frustration or sadness, but you won’t get stuck in them as easily,” she says.

“You’ll also find yourself naturally spotting small wins and taking more constructive action rather than feeling powerless.”

Ray says that lemonading encourages you to take your focus off the hurt and reflect on what you’ve learned, reconnect with friends, and rediscover personal interests. Image: Pexels

Having this outlook can have some super sweet benefits, like being able to overcome challenges rather than being overwhelmed by them. 

“It can also reduce feelings of helplessness and make life feel more meaningful. Plus, it helps you appreciate small joys, which can make a huge difference over time,” says Ray.

So, what’s the recipe for this delicious outlook? 

Plus, it helps you appreciate small joys, which can make a huge difference over time. Image: iStock

 Dr Ray shares some simple steps to get started on your lemonading journey.

#1. Acknowledge the hard stuff

It’s okay to feel upset, frustrated, or disappointed. You don't have to like, want or approve of the feelings, but acknowledging they are valid is far more effective than attempting to turn them off or ignore them.

#2. Look for a different perspective

Ask yourself, 'Is there anything I can take from this?' Sometimes, a lesson or opportunity is hidden in the messiness of being human.

It’s okay to feel upset, frustrated, or disappointed. Image: iStock

#3. Notice small positives 

Even on tough days, there are usually moments of joy, humour, or connection. Paying attention to these helps balance things out (see savouring below).

#4. Practise savouring

Linger in good moments, no matter how small. It’s like mental bookmarking for happiness.

#5. Take action where you can 

If there’s something you can do to make things better, even in a small way, do it. We can't control what we think or what we feel, but we can control what we do. That’s where real empowerment comes in.

Linger in good moments, no matter how small. It’s like mental bookmarking for happiness. Image: Pexels.

Downsides to lemonading

While lemonading can be a beneficial approach, it isn’t always the right one for every situation or context.

“If someone is in deep grief or trauma, jumping straight to 'finding the good in it' can feel dismissive,” says Ray.

“Sometimes, people just need space to process what’s happened. If a situation is unfair or systemic (like workplace discrimination or a toxic relationship), trying to find a silver lining can actually stop someone from taking necessary action for change. When someone just needs to vent, they might not want a 'bright side' right away ... they just need and want to be heard.”

If someone is in deep grief or trauma, jumping straight to 'finding the good in it' can feel dismissive. Image: iStock

It can also be overused.

“If overused, it can minimise real struggles and make people feel like they always have to find something positive, even when things are just hard,” explains Ray.

And sometimes, she says, lemons are simply too sour to make lemonade, or in other words trying to lemonade can shift focus away from needed change.

 “Some situations aren’t meant to be reframed; they’re meant to be challenged. And if imposed on others, it can come across as invalidating, even if well-intended.”

Originally published as Is 'lemonading' the secret to a happier life?