'I only gave birth in January… now I only have two years left with my 6 kids'

After surviving cancer while pregnant once before, a Melbourne mum received the worst diagnosis possible just weeks after the birth of her sixth child. 

While pregnant with her fifth child, Susan’s first trimester was going all as planned in the first trimester until she noticed that her right breast was sore.

“I went to feel it and there was a hard lump the size of a golf ball,” the Melbourne mum tells Kidspot of the moment her life changed forever in October, 2019.

“I knew instantly it wasn’t right. My GP pushed for me to have it checked out, but I didn’t want to do anything that would hurt the baby, so I pushed it back. I never, ever thought I could actually have cancer.”

In just two months, the lump had tripled in size, and a biopsy would show something far worse than anyone could have predicted.

In January, 2020, at 22 weeks along, the 37-year-old was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer - a type of cancer that is very difficult to treat. 

“I went numb… I was in complete shock,” she remembers vividly.

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At 36 weeks, Jaxon, was delivered on May 4, 2020, so she could continue with further aggressive chemotherapy. Source: Supplied to Kidspot

“I wasn’t able to take in those early days with a newborn"

Susan underwent four rounds of chemotherapy treatment, after being reassured it would not affect the health of  her unborn baby.

Then, at 36 weeks, her baby boy, Jaxon, was delivered on May 4, 2020, so that she could continue with further aggressive chemotherapy just two weeks after the birth.

“It was all a blur,” she says of the first weeks with her son, who is a sibling for Matthew, 8, Kaiden, 7, Mia, 5, and Logan 4.

“I wasn’t able to take in those early days with a newborn because I was constantly being taken away for scans and appointments. I couldn’t enjoy him, but the precious time I did have with him was beautiful… it was what I needed.”

By the time Jaxon was three months old, Susan had bravely endured a lumpectomy and radiation as well.

“My biggest fear was that it would come back or that it wasn’t caught in time, and I would have to leave my kids… it’s been in the back of my mind all the time.”

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At five months pregnant, Susan began to feel pain in her rib area.  Source: Supplied to Kidspot

“It felt like I could wake up from a bad dream and move on”

In August, 2020, Susan and husband, Kenneth, could finally breathe a sigh of relief that their nightmare was surely over.

“The doctors were confident that I had clear margins and they were happy with the results,” she says.

“It felt like I could wake up from a bad dream and move on.”

The end of Susan’s treatment and an all-clear by doctors meant she could try for what would be her sixth and final baby to complete her family.

Last year, her wish came true when she fell pregnant without any complications.

At five months along, however, Susan began to feel pain in her rib area.  

“I thought that the baby was sitting in an awkward position and it was a constant pain,” she remembers.

 “I thought, ‘What are the chances of it happening again?’ I was trying not to make myself believe that every little pain would be cancer. So I pushed it away. I did mention it to the doctor and they just said, ‘Let’s keep an eye on it’.”

“They said the same cancer was back and it had spread to too many places." Source: Supplied to Kidspot

"A month have giving birth, I was given a death sentence"

As soon as baby Cooper arrived healthily on January 8, Susan rushed to her oncologist after her pain during pregnancy didn’t decrease post birth.

Then, just last month, her worst fears were confirmed.

“They said the same cancer was back and it had spread to too many places,” she says, holding back tears.

“My first thought was, ‘No! What’s going to happen to my kids?’ There was nothing they could say to make it better.” 

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"If things don’t go well, it could be less than two years"

Devastatingly, although Susan’s breasts were clear of any cancer, but it was now in her lungs, ribs, pelvis and bones. 

The mum-of-six was given an earth-shattering life expectancy of just two years even with treatment.

“It’s not curable… all they can do is manage it until the end,” she says softly.

“They haven’t used the word ‘palliative’ but that’s what it is. If things don’t go well, it could be shorter than that.” 

Now on her second cycle of chemotherapy since the new diagnosis, daily life is a painful struggle for the busy mum juggling nine-week-old, Cooper, and five other children all aged under eight. 

“I’m on morphine twice a day just to manage the pain,” she says bravely.

“The kids are the only thing that’s keeping me going day after day. I’ve screamed, I’ve cried and been angry. Now I know that’s not going to help anyone so I’m making the most of my life, teaching my kids what I can for as long as I can.”

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"I want them to be able to grieve with me and I can help them through their feelings for as long as I can." Source: Supplied to Kidspot

"The kids know I'm dying"

While never sharing the doctor’s exact prognosis, Susan has chosen to be open about her condition with her children. 

“They know it’s cancer and that I will eventually die from it,” the brave mum says.

“They asked me if I was going to live a full life, and I told them that I know I won’t grow old or be a grandma.

“As confronting as it is for them, for whatever time I have, I want them to be able to grieve with me and I can help them through their feelings for as long as I can. I want them to know from me that it’s OK and they can be strong for each other.”

Holding her newborn boy as he sleeps peacefully, Susan is reminded at every moment just how short and precious life really is. 

“I look at him and think, ‘Will you remember me?’” she says reflectively.

“I’m trying to take as many photos and videos with him as I can so that he has them in the future. But I’m not planning on going anywhere just yet. I won’t be going down without a fight.”

A friend has created a GoFundMe campaign for Susan and her family in their time of need.

Originally published as 'I only gave birth in January… now I only have two years left with my 6 kids'