Your ultimate guide to dating safely on the apps

Swipers, listen up

Almost half of Aussies have tried dating apps. Photography: Corrie Bond for Body+Soul

Almost half of Australia has dabbled in dating apps, but new data from the Body+Soul 2024 Sex Census shows 40 per cent of Aussies still feel unsafe when swiping online. 

After getting down and dirty with a friend of a friend, and breaking HR policies by going home with a colleague, online dating has become the third most common way to meet a partner.

In fact, according to the Body+Soul 2024 Sex Census, 43 per cent of Aussies over 18 have used dating apps.

Of those who met their current or most recent partner virtually, 26 per cent swiped right on Tinder, 13 per cent picked up on Plenty of Fish, 12 per cent responded to RSVP, and eight per cent hooked up on Hinge. 

But despite all this, when we asked 2000 people how safe they thought online dating is in 2024, 30 per cent said ‘not very safe’ and a further 10 per cent ticked ‘not at all safe’.

So, what’s going on?

‘Disgusting’ behaviour online 

Someone who’s not surprised by the alarming safety stats is clinical psychologist Phoebe Rogers, a dating and relationship coach for women who’s heard some shocking stories from those looking for love online.

“From boundary violations to oversharing too much and the naked selfie being escalated too soon...women are disgusted [by them]," she says.

"They’re horrified. They’re shocked. But I also think there’s this element of, ‘Yes of course, that’s right, like that’s what it means to be a woman in this world’.” 

Rogers has also had clients who’ve ended up being stalked by those they’ve matched with on an app. “This client was concerned that I was concerned," explains Rogers. "I don’t think it had clicked for her how bad that it was."

“Certainly, being overly pursued when you’re not interested or you not replying and it continuing, they’re like boundary violations, right? Someone not taking a message. So I think they certainly do happen and it’s really concerning.”

Why do Aussies think online dating is unsafe? Image: Pexels

Why Aussies think online dating is ‘unsafe’

#1. People aren't telling the truth about themselves

The biggest concern for 73 per cent of survey respondents was that people aren’t being honest about who they are online.

“I think it’s very easy to lie,” says Rogers, who met her own partner online, “and I think it’s very common for people to lie about their age because online dating means you can, right?

“It doesn’t mean they’re bad people. They’re probably like, ‘Oh, if I say I’m this old then I’m not going to get matches’. And maybe they’re not taking it seriously and maybe they don’t fully understand the consequences of that and they haven’t thought it through," she adds. "They haven’t thought about, ‘If I like this person, then how is that going to look and what is that going to mean?’."

“I think everyone’s just a bit scared of being real and authentic because there’s that fear, ‘If I say who I am fully, then I’m vulnerable’. But then how do you get an actual, genuine connection if you’re not honest and open?”

73 per cent of survey respondents was that people aren’t being honest about who they are online. Image: iStock

#2. People are cheating on a partner

Speaking of honesty, 58 per cent of people say dating apps are unsafe because people lie about their relationship status – worrying that ‘single’ is more of a loose term for their potential partners.

“My clients hear, ‘Oh, we’re just figuring it out still’,” explains Roger. “They’re still blurry, they’re still figuring it out, or maybe they’re not happy so they’re trying something else.”

Or someone else. 

More than half of Aussies surveyed are worried people on dating apps already have partners. Image: Unsplash

#3. Physical safety for women

Of course, the results are skewed when we break down genders with 49 per cent of women feeling unsafe when looking for a match online, compared to 31 per cent of men. 

Specifically, they’re worried about their physical safety (54 per cent for women, versus 28 per cent of men); an increase in violence in general (49 per cent versus 24 per cent); and the potential for stalking (40 per cent versus 28 per cent). 

“I think it’s certainly harder to be a woman in this world,” Rogers says. “Having done online dating myself, that’s something I’ve thought about a lot.”

More than half of women are worried about their physical safety when dating online. Image: Getty

What the dating apps are doing about it 

Tinder 

The OG app (and most popular in Aus) has Photo Verification which uses facial recognition technology to make sure people are who they say they are. Plus, users can turn on Photo Verified Chat to ensure they only get messages from Photo Verified users. 

If Tinder detects a DM that might not be appropriate, the sender will receive an alert encouraging them to rethink their message. If they don’t, the receiver is given the option to flag or report the DM. 

If the app picks up that you’re sharing contact info, an alert may pop up with important safety information to help keep users safe. 

Tinder also has a 'Share My Date' function, which allows you to share every detail of your rendezvous with a friend or family member, including the location, date, time and a photo of your date. 

What are the dating apps doing to protect our safety? Image: iStock

Hinge

Hinge is the only major dating app that follows up with users after a date with an in-app survey that gives people the chance to report any inappropriate behaviour. 

The app also allows people to report someone at any stage of their experience, and the moment the person is reported, you’ll never see each other’s profiles again. 

Bumble

Bumble has a ban on hate speech, fetishisation and sexual harassment, and the ability to video chat and voice call within the app so you don’t have to give out your phone number. 

Along with Photo Verification, an Unmatch feature and a “robust” Block and Report system, Bumble also has a Private Detector function which automatically blurs lewd images so you don’t have to see unwanted d*ck pics. 

Tinder has a 'Share My Date' function. Image: Tinder

How can you date safety on the apps?

When it comes to the talking stage, Rogers recommends spending time getting to know someone and having regular communication and flow over the course of a week at least. And then before you meet, have a phone date. 

“I was always a big fan of that,” the dating coach says, “just to get a sense and feel of who they are so you don’t waste your time and then you feel more confident about going out with them.”

And all the while, monitor what they’re asking and any kind of comments they’re making. “You can screen that stuff, definitely,” she adds.

Then when you feel ready to meet up, make it public. “Meet in a public place, meet at regular hours during the day, always tell people where you’re going, have a backup plan if it’s not going well, and rather avoid the alcohol so you’re not vulnerable.”

How can you date safety on the apps? Image: Pexels

If it all goes well, great! “There should then be a change in depth but also consistency,” Rogers explains. “Like are they messaging when they say they’re going to message, and does their schedule seem to match up? Or are they very hot and cold? Because that’s a bit of a red flag.”

Because the number one sign to look out for is your intuition. “I think the biggest thing that we don’t do is trust our gut,” the relationships expert says. “Our gut will be like, ‘Oh, this is a little bit off’, but then we’ve got another part that’s like, ‘I want it and it’s looking great but I’m maybe kind of sweeping some red flags under the carpet’. 

“So I just say, we have to learn to listen to ourselves. If it feels off, then it probably is.” 

And if it’s not going well, then please, report incidents to the apps. “I think a lot of us don't but we should, because these apps need data and information to be able to track these people,” Rogers says.

From swipe right to 'I do'. It's possible. Image: iStock

Look for the positives

Of course, it’s not all doom and gloom and there are plenty of people on dating apps who successfully match, meet and marry. 

Respondents of the Body+Soul 2024 Sex Census said online swiping made them feel safe because you can date on your own terms, you can connect with someone without having to meet them in person, you can block people and avoid suspicious profiles, and you can verify people by going through their social media profiles.

“There’s data and information there so you can screen and veto over time,” Rogers says. “You can look at the full picture, and I'd be encouraged to look at profiles that are detailed and specific and talk about their values. It's got all the data in there.

"And you can respond in your own time and at your own pace in a way that's comfortable [for you], and have video and phone calls before you meet in real life."

Originally published as Your ultimate guide to dating safely on the apps