Hot cross bun flavours ranked

As we head towards Easter, it can only mean one thing: Hot cross buns. We tried them all and came to a very controversial conclusion.

Who was Nicki Minaj writing to when she penned the record-breaking 2014 hit, Anaconda? You? Me? Or perhaps, Australian supermarket chains.

It’s is the crossover you never expected – the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ and Minaj’s upbeat rap-pop mix that focuses on male genitalia. But here we have it.

“My anaconda don’t, my anaconda don’t, my anaconda don’t want none unless you got buns, hun,” she wrote in the song which became the first song written by a female rapper to hit a billion views. You may be able to guess why it got so many views if you watch the clip.

Australian supermarkets have taken Anaconda’s concerns to heart and have well and truly supplied buns – and as usual, in plenty of time for Easter.

I will not be using any Anaconda references in pictures I am featuring in.

Headbutting a jalapeño and cheese bun.

The spiced, dried fruit, baked treat that references one of the Roman Empire’s most depraved execution methods were on shelves before the last Christmas bonbon was pulled.

The range of hot cross buns available has exploded in recent years. Long gone are the days of a classic dried fruit and spiced bun. Now there’s chocolate, caramel – even cheese and jalapeño.

Who said the crucifixion couldn’t embrace capitalism?

Execution methods aside, I have carried the cross for you, dear readers, to see which bun is best.

After gorging myself on these, I’m hoping that within three days I too will be able to roll away the stone (in my gut) and ascend to a higher being.

You got buns, hun?

Hot Cross buns ranked

Full disclaimer: Here at news.com.au we have purchased all of our buns from Coles for this review as they had some real out-there combinations.

1. The traditional. How can you pass this by? It’s the one you know and love. From the days of them being squashed in your lunch box, sweating in cling film, to mauling one hungover on Easter Sunday. This bun has sweet and savoury in all the right places.

2. This is controversial. In second place, (insert Osher Gunsberg length pause here) jalapeño and cheese. That’s right folks, the spicy chilli and cheese has got me GOING. On most things I lean towards savoury and this was a real treat. Imagine your classic pizza roll has taken a left turn to Mexico and this is what you get.

3. It’s sweet, it’s sugary, it has a fruit in the title so perhaps you can claim it as having some health benefit, but in third place it is the raspberry and white chocolate bun. A lovely combination of flavours – if you’re getting a weirdly over-the-top bun, this is the one.

4. If you’re inclined to a little chocolate in your life, this would be pushing for top place. But for me, the chocolate hot cross bun can only manage fourth.

5. Another sweetie here, this time salted caramel. What this bun lacks in salt it makes up for in caramel. Quite sickly sweet. Good luck eating more than one.

6. If you’re inclined to pay a few more bucks to show off, then the fancy traditional one is for you. The smaller, round bun is made on sourdough so it is frustratingly tough. It sticks firmly to the trend that sourdough is a hugely overrated bread.

7. Not much to say except I thought it was a bit boring – the apple and cinnamon bun. Some might like it, some might not. I really don’t know.

8. Yes, in last place: The fruitless bun. Like come on, give us some dried grapes for the love of GOD. Do you not know what he went through?

Originally published as Hot cross bun flavours ranked