Edwina Bartholemew says a 'sleep divorce' saved her marriage

They even live in separate houses during the week

Edwina Bartholemew opens up. Image: Instagram

• In this article

• Edwina reveals her marriage secret

• The impossible standards for women

• Why she's staying vigilant about her health

In a recent interview on Stellar's podcast Something To Talk About, Sunrise presenter Edwina Bartholomew opened up about the conversation she ignited when she revealed that she and her husband live separately during the week, why she won’t be shamed into feeling bad about her parenting choices and the one thing that got her to start paying close attention to her health.

Earlier this year you spoke about how you and your husband Neil sleep in separate bedrooms; now, you've revealed that you live in separate houses during the week. What was the reaction?

Well, today [April 21] is actually my [sixth] wedding anniversary, and I can confirm we are still married. It was an amazing response. It’s just something people don’t talk about, but so many couples do. It absolutely went bananas, because I think it’s not “the done thing”.

So when you talk about what you’re doing in your relationship that just works for you – and that’s it for us, for many reasons and on many levels – I think that resonates. I was just being honest, [which] is what I’ve tried to be in all facets of my life, be it social media, TV and now in my writing.

I know people reached out and thanked you for talking about your situation, saying things like “I thought it was just us.” Clearly many of us are increasingly questioning so-called conventional norms.

We see it across the board, with people talking about the troubles they might have had with breastfeeding or the fact their kid doesn’t sleep or, on the other end of the spectrum, talking about menopause. We’re seeing a lot of honest conversations on issues that perhaps were never spoken about in the public domain before. And maybe that’s because we’re hearing more female voices. Or maybe it’s OK to be different and run your own race.

If anything, what I’ve learnt from being a journalist for 20 years is you never know what’s going on in someone’s life – how they deal with it, how they get through each day. I teach that to my kids. If someone is mean in the playground, I say, “Well, maybe they’ve got something going on or they’re having a bad day, and that’s OK. Give them a chance the next day.”

Your daughter, Molly, is now four, and your son, Thomas, is two. Even in 2024 there’s seemingly still a huge legacy of “mother guilt” that follows every working mother.

You know what? I just don’t give a sh*t about mother’s guilt. People ask me about the juggle all the time, and I just say: I get a lot from my work; I love my work. In order to do what I do and provide for my family, yes, I have to work weird hours, travel a bit. I end up with a lot of time with them because of the hours I work, so I’m often home by 10am or 11am and get the rest of the day with them.

I just don’t buy into [mother guilt]. I know I’m raising two amazing kids because they’re funny, they’re delightful, they’re well-mannered most of the time. They don’t always eat their vegetables, but we try. That whole guilt thing... it’s rubbish.

"We’re seeing a lot of honest conversations on issues that perhaps were never spoken about in the public domain before". Image: @edwina_B via Instagram

Your colleague Natalie Barr (co-host of Sunrise on the Seven Network) recently spoke about speculation and assumptions – particularly of women in high-profile roles – that they simply can’t like each other. She said, “I’m telling you, I haven’t seen any catfights at Sunrise.” Can you confirm or deny?

I went to an all-girls school. I have the best crew of girls I went to school with. Same with uni – still great mates, 20 years on, guys and girls. I’ve always found that in the workplace, as well. I love supporting other women who are coming up the ranks because that’s how I did it. I literally started making coffee on Sunrise 20 years ago, then worked my way up. The way I could do that was with the support of colleagues, and being able to see the behaviour you want to emulate. Yes, there were arseholes. There are in any workplace; that’s not exclusive to media.

But I look to that and think, you know what? I don’t want to be that person to people I’m working with. The same with friendships across the media ditch. Sylvia [Jeffreys, co-host of Nine Network’s Today Extra] and I used to be on the road together when she was the Sydney reporter for Today, and I was the reporter for Sunrise. We had our first babies around the same time. Along with Jayne Azzopardi from Nine and Jesinta Campbell, we had a little Zoom mothers’ group during Covid. I don’t need to fight people from other networks. They’re my mates, my friends.

Same with Nat, you know? Every day in the make-up chair, we’re talking about struggles with my kids and the things I’m going through and she’s reflecting on that stage with her [now grown-up] boys. It’s been lovely to have that shared experience and to see her shine and thrive. The work she puts in to being the host of Sunrise blows me away. Often after an interview goes to air, I’ll be like, “Nat, you’re so frickin’ good.” I say that genuinely. We’re great mates in there. Any narrative that suggests otherwise is just bullsh*t.

Vigilance and early detection are among the goals in increasing awareness of this insidious disease. You’re 40 now. Have you become more aware of staying on top of health checks, or generally being more aware of your own mortality?

I think I’ve become less self-conscious in terms of body image, but more conscious of taking care of myself. The past four years [since having children] have been a slog. Everyone has been there, but it’s exhausting. It’s only recently where I thought, if we’re going to achieve what we want to achieve over the next year, having our family across two places and wanting to be there for my kids – and not just come home and have a nap, which is what I was having to do for awhile – I need to shift focus.

I bought a bike so I can come home and go for a ride and clear the air a bit. I bought a lockbox for my phone. I’m trialling intermittent fasting. I’ve cut back on coffee. Before you turn 40, you have this false sense of: things have gone so well, what could possibly go wrong? After 40, you think, OK... actually, you do need to take care of yourself.

With Neil’s ill health [Varcoe was diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome a few years ago], I see every day how impactful that is on the family. So I think it was a case of: I need to take care of myself, because I’m kind of at the centre of holding this whole shebang together.

Originally published as Edwina Bartholemew says a 'sleep divorce' saved her marriage