Adelaide mum who suffered multiple miscarriages breaks silence on the hidden pain of Australian women

Around 110,000 Aussie women will experience a miscarriage each year. This Adelaide mum shares why we need to talk about it.

When Amy Kirkup found out she was pregnant with her son, Liam, she was overjoyed.

But after experiencing three early miscarriages, the 34-year-old from Adelaide was terrified of reliving the heartache of losing another child again.

Each miscarriage took a massive toll on her mental health as she tried to search for answers while grieving each loss with her husband Brendon.

“It was a very difficult time for both me and my husband. For a long time, we didn’t know what was wrong and it was hard not to blame ourselves,” she said.

Adelaide mum Amy Kirkup suffered three miscarriages before falling pregnant with her son. Picture: Supplied

Her rainbow baby, Liam, is now 18-months-old. Picture: Supplied

After the first miscarriage in July 2021, the couple went to a fertility specialist for help before she was diagnosed with endometriosis, which can increase the risk of miscarriages.

The following April she fell pregnant again, around the time of her diagnosis, but tragically miscarried the day after Mother’s Day.

Another round of tests revealed she had slightly elevated thyroid antibodies and she was put on a low dose of medication. However, that same week, she fell pregnant and had another miscarriage shortly after.

“By that time I knew the deal ‘cause it was the third time around, when you do a pregnancy test it comes up with a line but when you’re starting to miscarry it kind of disappears again,” she said.

“I was just a nervous wreck everyday and kept testing myself everyday so I knew when it was going away.”

For Amy and Brendon, their son is the light of their lives. Picture: Keryn Stevens

Not giving up, the couple then waited three months before trying again when Ms Kirkup fell pregnant with Liam who was born in June last year.

“It was nerve racking, my anxiety was always the worst right before those scans,” she said.

“We had never got to that stage when you can hear the heartbeat so when we saw the heartbeat for the first time it was really full on, really emotional.

“(After getting to the halfway point) the focus was on the birth because up til that point I wasn’t focused on it because I was still not ready to believe it was actually going to happen.

Ms Kirkup said having each miscarriage was an isolating experience, with friends and family struggling to know how best to support her.

“Its hard because people don’t want to say anything in case they say the wrong thing but for me that was harder (...) it was almost like dismissing it like it was nothing and it wasn’t nothing for me,” she said.

Amy is sharing her story in the hopes of breaking the stigma and silence surrounding pregnancy loss. Picture: Keryn Stevens

Seeking support, she reached out to PANDA (Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia) who gave her the space to “blurt out” everything that had been weighing on her mind.

Every year up to 110,000 Australian women will experience a miscarriage.

However they often face extreme amounts of stigma and shame associated with pregnancy loss despite miscarriages being unpreventable.

“There is such a stigma, which makes it so difficult for women to talk openly about any mental struggles they may have,” she said.

“I didn’t want to take resources away from women who had it worse than me, but I think that’s where the stigma is.

“So many women out there are having these issues, and it’s not a problem if you do need help.”

Free support is available via the PANDA Helpline on 1300 726 306 (9am-7:30pm Monday-Friday and 9am - 4pm Saturday) or panda.org.au.

PANDA also offers an online mental health checklist for new and expecting parents to check for possible signs of perinatal anxiety, depression, and well-being concerns.