How men can nurture friendships for their mental health

Tommy Herschell knows the value of good mates — he credits one with saving his life. But many men struggle to open up or maintain friendships.

Find Ya Feet founder Tommy Herschell. Pic Supplied.,

Tommy Herschell knows the value of good mates — he credits one with saving his life.

He likens them to a pit crew who can let you know when things are going wrong on the racetrack.

“We’ve got this car that goes out on the track and it costs millions and millions of euros, and that’s the same as us – we’re priceless” he said.

“So when that car goes around the track that driver’s got to have the ability to radio into their pit crew and go, ‘Hey, I’m struggling. I can’t get this car going’.

“And they’ve also got to have the ability for the pit crew to be able to go, ‘You’re not at your best. We’re worried, bring the car in’.

“It’s the same with our mates.

“We need to be able to find that group of people who are going to pull us up.

“They’re going to be honest with us, they’re going to be authentic, but we can be the same with them.”

Mr Herschell, who runs mental health organisation Find Ya Feet, said it was essential for men to have at least one good mate to sustain good mental health.

The former teacher said a close friend called him out on his problematic drinking years ago after he hit a low point.

He credits that friend with saving his life.

Men had been “stuck with this culture of just getting on with it and hardening up”, Mr Herschell said.

An average of nine Australians take their own lives each day, and 75 per cent of people who die by suicide are men, according to Lifeline.

One in four Aussie men say they don’t have any close friends, according to 2023 research by the Australian Men’s Health Forum.

The same number reported having no one to share their private worries and fears with, and two thirds said they had lost contact with more mates than they would have liked.

News Corp Australia’s Can We Talk? campaign, in partnership with Medibank, is raising community awareness on strategies to maintain good mental health.

Andrew Wilson, psychiatrist and Medibank’s group chief medical officer, said good social networks were essential in staving off feelings of loneliness, which could have a damaging impact on physical and mental health.

Medibank group chief medical officer Dr Andrew Wilson. Picture: Supplied / Murray Harris

“Friendship is a really important buffer against mental ill health,” he said.

“The absence of friendships can make people more vulnerable.

“We know the lack of friendships can lead to loneliness and being lonely is as unhealthy as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.”

A lack of social connection is linked to mental illness and suicide, with men at more risk than women.

In the 2023 Household, Income and Labour Dynamics in Australia (HILDA) survey, an estimated 15 per cent of Australians aged 15 and older were experiencing social isolation and of those, 17 per cent were men and 13 per cent were women.

“Friendship is not just a ‘nice to have’,” Dr Wilson said.

“The concern is that men now have less friends, so it’s a very important conversation for men to be aware of the benefits friendships bring.”

Dr Andrew Wilson, Medibank’s chief medical office. Picture: Sam Ruttyn

How blokes can help their mates

Listen: Your mate doesn’t need solutions or advice unless he asks for it. Just open your ears and be there for them.

Be available: Everyone is busy, but do your best to make time for your friends.

Check in: Be proactive and call your friends to ask how they are and what’s happening. Make these check-ins regular and don’t wait for your mate to call you.

Be active: Open and honest chats are best in situations where there’s no face-to-face pressure. Think golf, walking, running or any sports activity.

Don’t be judgmental: Allowing space for your mate to express their feelings without your opinion is important.

Source: Andrew Wilson, psychiatrist and Medibank’s group chief medical officer

Can We Talk? is a News Corp awareness campaign, in partnership with Medibank, helping Australian families better tackle mental wellbeing. To follow the series and access all stories, tips and advice, visit our new Health section.

Originally published as How men can nurture friendships for their mental health