My dad had been showing symptoms before his dementia diagnosis

Wendy Angliss switched to part-time work after her father’s dementia diagnosis to help care for him. She knew how important exercise was for his health.

Originally from the UK, my brother and I were small children when we arrived with mum, dad and granny in Australia. We have loved being part of the community in Australia.

In my professional life, I have always taken great pride in my work as an accountant and in customer relations, building genuine connections with clients and colleagues.

I love a good challenge and meaningful work that stimulates me.

So, when my parents needed me, I wanted to help them while trying to manage my career.

My dad was officially diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease at age 80 but he had been living with the symptoms for a while before that.

Wendy Angliss with her father before his death.

At first we did not recognise it, as he had been diagnosed with Hyperacusis.

This is essentially the opposite of hearing loss as he found sounds uncomfortably loud and withdrew from noisy environments.

Completing daily errands became too noisy for him, things like catching the bus, sitting in a cafe or going to a shopping centre. It took a while to diagnose him with Alzheimer’s disease.

My brother and I knew we would step in and do everything possible to support our parents. Working together to help them has been challenging at times, as he lives in Melbourne while I am in Brisbane. But it has also brought us closer together as we appreciate each other’s input and problem solving.

As Dad’s disease progressed, he transitioned into residential aged care where he lived for seven years.

During his time in care, we found that dad was reluctant to exercise – partly a function of him forgetting that he wanted to do it. We nudged him into exercise, knowing it was an important part of keeping as healthy as possible.

I was asked if I would entertain the idea of helping with a group exercise class because we figured if I was there and Dad wanted to spend time with me, he was more likely to go along. We were right.

Wendy Angliss opens up about caring for her parents.

I hold memories like this with Dad close to my heart, as he passed away earlier this year.

We were very grateful that he had a gentle death.

My mum was more recently diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment, a brain condition that involves subtle changes to memory and thinking.

Caring for dad while navigating her own health took a toll on her.

Mum was valiantly trying to support dad while everything was swirling around. Additionally, dad had been an IT professional, and mum was losing her IT “go to man”.

Mum has just transitioned into the same residential aged care that Dad was in.

Over the years caring for both my parents has been a juggle with keeping on top of referrals and appointments, driving mum and dad around and spending time on the phone or in person getting affairs in order. That’s before making time to just “be together” over a coffee or at a park for example.

Wendy Angliss’ father lived with dementia.

It sometimes seems like a full-time job.

As I tried to maintain full-time work and the caring role, I came to terms with the fact that I couldn’t have it all.

I would find myself at an appointment with mum or dad, stressing that I only had 20 minutes to get back to work, or about a looming deadline. It was hard to be fully present when there was always something else fighting for your attention.

As much as I wanted to keep working full-time, I needed more flexibility.

Moving into part-time work and finding a way to structure the hours that worked both for my employer and myself, I could prioritise some self-care.

This allowed me to look after myself and therefore also better help my parents, while still enjoying my career.

Wendy Angliss wants more awareness about dementia, to help people like her dad.

I understand this comes with some drawbacks, such as reduced superannuation contributions due to part-time work.

I have come to realise there is significant gendered aspects to caregiving, which often impact women disproportionately.

Many, like myself, find themselves caring for young children and not long after for ageing parents, only to be left feeling as though they’re falling behind on superannuation.

I know there is so much more work to be done to raise awareness and reduce stigma around living with dementia and caring for the person living with it.

I hope more people can acknowledge the impact of caring, professionally, financially, physically and emotionally. It is important for people to know that everyone experiences dementia differently.

With an estimated 1.7 million people in Australia involved in the care of someone living with dementia, so many people are impacted. Yet it is still so unrecognised, generalised, and, unfortunately, comes with such stigma.

It can be such an isolating experience, but with more community awareness and support this can change.

If this story has prompted any questions or concerns, please call the National Dementia Helpline 1800 100 500 (24 hours, 7 days a week) or visit dementia.org.au.

Originally published as My dad had been showing symptoms before his dementia diagnosis