The ultimate Real Housewives of Melbourne game

THERE’S an unofficial seventh cast member of The Real Housewives of Melbourne — booze. With this in mind, we’ve devised the ultimate game to play while watching the girls quaff champagne.

EIGHT episodes in, it’s time we acknowledged the unofficial seventh cast member of The Real Housewives of Melbourne: alcohol.

A heady mix of champagne and cocktails fuel the ladies’ shopping trips, catch-ups and arguments — there seem to be very few scenes in the show when at least one of the Housewives isn’t half in the bag. We can’t imagine the hangovers.

With this in mind, we’ve devised the ultimate Real Housewives of Melbourne game. We’d like to point out, though, that we advocate the responsible consumption of alcohol. Heck, you’re welcome to play this game with a few bags of lollies or just a nice cup of tea - we don’t all share the Housewives’ insatiable thirst for Moet.

Just imagine, though, if you were to quaff champagne every time one of the following things happened.

News_Image_File: Here’s to the Real Housewives.

1. Gina reapplies her make-up during a conversation

2. Lydia casually mentions she has a private jet

3. Andrea outlines her exhaustive nanny checklist

4. Janet has a cosmetic surgery procedure done on camera

5. Gina accuses psychic Jackie of demonic possession, witchcraft, wicca or sorcery

News_Image_File: Gina’s legendary argument face.

6. Jackie says ‘Shine Shine Shine,’ or any iteration thereof

7. Andrea brings up the cost of her tennis court in an unrelated conversation (it’s $40,000, viewers)

8. Jackie refers to her husband as an international rock star/Johnny Depp lookalike

9. Gina arrives late to an engagement with the other Housewives

10. Jackie spots a feather and is deeply moved and inspired by this message from her angels

News_Image_File: “Shine shine shine!”

11. Janet goes on a date with a much younger man

12. Jackie is so amazed by her own appearance she swears like a sailor (“Holy s**t, I look f**king incredible,” etc)

13. Chyka keeps completely quiet during a heated argument between the other Housewives and gives the camera a look that says, ‘How do I get off this bloody show’

14. Lydia expresses sexual desire for someone or something other than her husband (ie her stepson, another of the Housewives, a helicopter, a tree, a goat)

15. Gina responds to a verbal attack from another of the Housewives with a disinterested shrug

News_Image_File: “Did I tell you how much my tennis court cost?”

16. Ldyia says ‘wow’ in that way that only Lydia can (pronunciation: ‘war-w’

17. Lydia says ‘tranquil’ in that way only Lydia can (pronunciation: ‘tron-kweele’)

18. Gina refers to her relationship with her ex-partner as ‘geographically impossible’

19. Jackie utters the phrase, “I don’t know if you know this, but I’m actually a professional psychic”

20. Andrea describes other working mums as ‘disorganised’.

The Real Housewives of Melbourne screens 8.30pm Sundays on Arena. Read the latest Real Houseswives episode recaps.

News_Image_File: Cheers, girls.