James Weir recaps Married At First Sight episode 18: MAFS cast erupt in embarrassing pub fight
A boozy lunch at a Sydney pub spiralled into chaos when the in-laws of a MAFS couple started fighting. James Weir recaps.
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The Married At First Sight freaks become embroiled in an argument about who’s the bigger bag of trash while engaging in the trashiest pastime of all: day-drinking at a pub on a weekday afternoon.
Monday’s episode is basically a 90-minute super-cut of insults.
One sister-in-law is called “ratchet”. Another is compared to a garbage bin. Then one husband’s appearance is likened to “a thumb” while another is mocked for fake tanning his hairless body while wearing a G-string.
JAMES WEIR RECAPS:Read all the recaps here
Before we start day-drinking, producers decide to ease into the offensive behaviour by getting Lauren and Clint to do the Hot Or Not challenge — ranking pictures of their castmates from hottest to … nottest.
Clint says he likes the look of Jacqui and ranks her high on his list.
“She looks quite natural,” he says, as the morning light streams into the suite and Trash Tower and reflects blindingly off his very smooth forehead.
“Really?” Lauren cringes. “I think she looks rough.”
Um, ouch. This assessment does not comply with Jacqui’s request to only be referred to as The Most Beautiful Girl In The World.
As Lauren peruses the headshots of the other grooms, she yanks out a picture of Eliot — the guy she was originally matched with in the experiment.
“This dirty, stinky rat goes here,” she says, slamming his face in bottom place on the leaderboard. “Worst smell. Hasn’t washed his hair in five years.”
It’s always the hot guys who are the stinkiest.
Next up: Ryan.
“He looks like a bit of a thumb,” she sighs.
Are these insults cruel? Should we be offended like we were when Jake said Jacqui has crazy eyes? At this point in the series, we’re too exhausted to pretend to be outraged.
Coming in at number one on Lauren’s list: her husband Clint.
“You’ve got clean teeth and don’t smell,” she says, detailing her complex judging criteria.
Just for fun, producers decide to also get Lauren and Clint to watch back their audition tapes.
“I want someone with one million plus,” Lauren states in the video.
“ … In the bank?” replies a confused producer.
“No, like, earning,” Lauren replies, clarifying the yearly salary she wants her partner to earn.
Clint’s shocked. If his forehead wasn’t so smooth, he’d furrow his brow.
MORE:Gross reality of MAFS revealed
On paper, it seems like he perfectly fits Lauren’s specific criteria. He has a mansion and he doesn’t stink. But that doesn’t mean he’s perfect. Relationships are all about compromise — and Lauren’s grappling with the fact her rich husband is also a secret beauty queen.
“Clint isn’t an alpha male,” she laments. “He shaves his chest. This morning he booked in a spray tan and had the paper G-string on. And I just don’t think that’s masculine. Let your chest hair grow out and let your fake tan wash off and just be really secure in your manhood.”
Lauren. Please stop stereotyping. Clint can wear a paper G-string and still be masculine. We’re absolutely sure of it. … Kinda.
By now, the insults are flowing nicely. It seems like the perfect time to take feuding couple Adrian and Awhina on an excursion to the pub along with their siblings where they can all fight with each other about who’s worse.
Adrian’s twin sisters start blaming Awhina for the crappy marriage and then Awhina’s twin sister starts attacking Adrian’s twin sisters for being mean to Awhina.
Can’t keep up? Same.
Things really kick into gear when one of the girls on Team Adrian makes a snarky comment about Awhina being away from her son to be on this show.
This sets Awhina’s sister off.
“She’s a fantastic mother, so how about you lose the attitude!” she yells as fellow pub patrons look over. “She’s the best friggin’ mum there is! How dare you! HOW DARE YOU. You are ratchet!”
She starts screaming and pointing her finger at Team Adrian, as if she’s doing an impersonation of Morena.
“They are not good enough to be in your life,” she tells Awhina about the in-laws. “And HE is definitely not good enough to be in your life!”
The Team Adrian ladies stand up and throw their Guess handbags over their shoulders. One of them even executes an OTT hair flick, for added dramatic effect.
“I actually don’t need to listen to this s**t,” one of Adrian’s sisters snips. “This is ridiculous. I’m done.”
“Walk along!” Awhina yells at them.
“You’re just not worth it, honey,” Adrian’s sister drawls.
“No, you’re not worth it! Trust me! You, ya brother, no one!” Awhina says, determined to have the last word.
Adrian is adamant his family did nothing wrong here.
“I feel embarrassed for Awhina and her sister,” he says. “I wanted to let her embarasss herself. What are you, f**kin’ 10-years-old? I’ve given up just as much as her! I’ve given up time away from my dog!”
Outside the pub, one of the ladies on Team Adrian gets in a final dig about their in-laws.
“You can put a ribbon on a garbage bin but it’s still trash,” she says.
That’s not very nice. All of these MAFS freaks need to be more optimistic in their assessments of each other.
Like Lauren, for example.
You can wrap a paper G-string around a hairless orange man, but he’s still a millionaire.
Facebook: @hellojamesweir
Originally published as James Weir recaps Married At First Sight episode 18: MAFS cast erupt in embarrassing pub fight
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