James Weir recaps Married At First Sight episode 3: MAFS wife rejected for being too old, not exercising

A MAFS husband has thrown a tantrum and stormed out of his honeymoon because of some gobsmacking “non-negotiables”. James Weir recaps.

A Married At First Sight groom has his Don Draper fantasy blown up on Wednesday night when his bride, who initially yearned to cosplay as a 1950s housewife, busts out of the kitchen, rips off the apron and charges full steam ahead into the new millennium.

The triumphant moment flies in the face of all the naysayers who criticise this esteemed series for not being empowering.

This wife should be asked to pen the forward to Gloria Steinem’s next book of essays.

JAMES WEIR RECAPS: Read all the recaps here

We find Eliot (sic) and Lauren on their honeymoon. Less than 24-hours into their marriage, things aren’t going to plan. They were supposed to be a match made in gender normative heaven – with Lauren wanting to be a homemaker and Eliot fashioning himself into the man of the house. But, it turns out, they’re not quite on the same page about everything.

“I feel we’re not really right for each other,” Eliot says. “Do you want to have kids?”

Indeed, Lauren wants kids. But not a Brady Bunch.

“I’d like to have one child - not multiple,” she declares.

Eliot huffs. “I want to have a big family”

Lauren has an issue with lots of kids.

“You need a bigger car,” she laments.

We’re on Lauren’s side. No one wants to be cruising around in a Tarago.

Don and Betty Draper are breaking up in front of our eyes.

Then Eliot accuses his wife of having too many handbags.

She’s high-maintenance, he says.

Eliot, let’s not pretend you just roll out of bed in the morning with that Disney prince hair.

Maybe she's born with it …

“You should be with someone who’s, like... 40,” he tells her.

Yeah, Lauren - trawl the oldies at the local bowlo and find a decrepit 40-year-old.

Eliot keeps whipping out toxic sound bites that he hopes will promote his soon-to-be-launched bro-centric podcast.

Lauren’s had enough. She can feel her Priscilla Presley headband getting tighter and tighter.

“He’s so annoying. I can’t stand him,” she says to no one in particular.

Meanwhile, producers force Tim to go on his honeymoon with Katie even though he brutally rejected her. But don’t worry. The production crew is incredibly respectful of the tension between this new couple. They thoughtfully book a tiny hotel room with a glass-walled bathroom.

The producers are always so considerate.

Back in Sydney, we’re treated with two more weddings. Producers are aware these ceremonies are kinda boring, which is why they’ve hidden them in this episode. They know we’re only here to see Don and Betty Draper break up.

We meet bride Awhina, who has a twin sister. And groom Adrian, who has a twin brother. It’s like the plot from a Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen straight-to-VHS movie.

Mary-Kate and Ashley: Quadruple trouble

For a second, this match seems perfect. But something’s lurking underneath - like the price tag sticker on the sole of the groomsman’s shoes.

We don’t know exactly why, but being busted with price tag stickers on the soles of your shoes will always be embarrassing.

Awhina has a child and she’s worried about telling her new husband. She tries to pick the perfect moment to share the news when ...

“Awhina is a mum!” her mother yells into the microphone while delivering a speech at the reception. “She’s an amazing mum!”

Awhina can’t believe she has been exposed by her own mother. She interrupts the speech and demands a time-out.

The ‘Honesty Box Challenge’ should be replaced by a task where the mums of all the contestants come in and expose their children’s secrets

She drags her new husband outside and explains. His reaction?

“It’s not ideal,” he says, as if he has just been told by the mechanic his car will need to stay in overnight to get some more work done at its yearly service.

“If it had been in the outside world and I met her and knew her and I knew she had a kid, I wouldn’t have entertained it.”

This not the kind of plot twist we’re expecting in our Mary-Kate and Ashley straight-to-VHS movie.

Back at Don and Betty Draper’s honeymoon, things are tense. Eliot has packed his bags and is dragging them out to the rental Toyota Prado.

“I want someone that’s younger than me - like, 25,” he says. “Someone that’s into exercise like me,” he says.

Eliot is being unreasonable. He wants his woman in the kitchen AND in the gym? All while driving around her eight kids in an ugly Tarago?

Well I guess that's goodbye, doll xx

“There’s no upside for me,” he grunts.

Well, there’s certainly no upside for Lauren.

“You are the most inflexible person I’ve ever met,” she says softly. “It’s a very unattractive trait.”

“You’re quite passive aggressive,” he spits back.

She rolls her eyes. “It’s actually fascinating to watch a grown man throw a tantrum.”

Eliot scolds a producer and demands the experts answer for themselves.

“I would like the experts to sit down and explain why they put two people together that had non-negotiables that didn’t line up!” he fumes.

Is he really demanding to speak to the manager?

Right before our eyes, Don Draper morphs into Karen Draper.

Karen Draper rips the manager to shreds.

Originally published as James Weir recaps Married At First Sight episode 3: MAFS wife rejected for being too old, not exercising