Leigh Paatsch's guide to movies

NEED help deciphering the cinematic carte du jour? This comprehensive movie guide has all the information you will need.

NEED help deciphering the cinematic carte du jour? This comprehensive movie guide has all the information you will need.

* THE BEST OFFER (M) A tough sell, but meets its reserve, Italy, 122 min
You heard the one about the obsessive-compulsive old auctioneer and the beautiful young agoraphobic? Didn't think so. While it does read as the set-up for a joke, this Italian-made, English-language drama takes itself very seriously indeed. Perhaps too much so, but never at the expense of an intrigued audience. Geoffrey Rush is in fine form here as the toffy art dealer Virgil, a cultured control freak who drops his guard when he falls for the mysteriously mercurial shut-in Claire (Sylvia Hoeks). The film is not without its share of flaws - the intentionally stilted dialogue will get on some folks' nerves - but does just enough to deliver upon expectations. Co-stars Jim Sturgess, Donald Sutherland. Rating: 3/5

* BLUE JASMINE (M) From high society to an all-time low, US, 96 min
A career-best performance by Cate Blanchett is the most obvious reason to catch one of the year's best releases. But there is so much more to savour here, including the opportunity to witness veteran writer-director Woody Allen recapture the greatness many thought was long-gone. This is a film about the way things used to be. If you cannot let go of the past - or at the very least, learn from it - then the way things are right now will swallow you whole. Blanchett plays Jasmine, a former socialite who has fallen heavily on hard times after her husband (Alec Baldwin) is exposed as a swindler. Like all of the finest Woody Allen films, Blue Jasmine is at once funny, sad, bright-eyed, dark-hearted and, last but not least, incredibly astute about human nature. The hand-picked ensemble Allen has gathered to flesh out this bittersweet tale of woe is flawless. However, the film belongs to Blanchett in so many different ways, all of which could see her accepting a Best Actress statuette at the next Oscars. Rating: 4.5/5

* ELYSIUM (MA15+) Rise to the occasion, or die trying, US, 109 min
A stunning sci-fi action film, Elysium brings a crashing hammer down on the US summer blockbuster season. Though not without its share of flaws, it is clearly the best big-ticket picture of 2013 so far. The year is 2154. The division between haves and have-nots is more pronounced than ever. The rich live in gated communities in the planet's upper atmosphere. The rest of an over-crowded Earth reside in a planet-wide slum. A buff, tough and ready Matt Damon stars as Max, a terminally ill factory worker who needs urgent medical help. The only place he will get it is inside one of those utopias high in the sky. Just getting there could be enough to kill him. South African filmmaker Neill Blomkamp proves his sensational 2009 debut District 9 was no fluke. The man has a vision - driven by inspired writing, and an intelligent grasp of how to manipulate viewers - and that vision has real impact. Co-stars Jodie Foster, Sharlto Copley. Rating: 4/5

* FRANCES HA (MA15+) Living a laughing matter, US, 85 min
This delightful indie comedy proves whoever said life's what you make it has got it all wrong. Life's what makes you. Greta Gerwig stars as Frances, a lovable loser who sorely needs two things to go her way : somewhere to live in New York City, and some way to live in New York City. Throughout the film, her hopes of achieving either are amusingly forlorn. Anyone who has spent (or is spending) some (or all) of their adult life with no idea what to do next will love Frances like a long lost sister. Though she invariably cops the worst, Frances always copes the best she can. Directed by Noah Baumbach (The Squid and the Whale). Rating: 4/5

* JOBS (M) The thorny past of a man who saw a rosy future, US, 129 min
This passable biopic of the late Apple creative genius Steve Jobs does not amount to that much more than a filmed adaptation of the subject's Wikipedia page. All the right names, dates and brands are very much to the fore, but anything that resembles depth, insight or nuanced analysis is merely a mirage. 2010's The Social Network raised the bar very high for this kind of reportage in movies, and Jobs seems too tentative to even attempt a jump. If the movie does successfully communicate Steve Jobs' dual personas as peerless innovator and master irritator, then the plaudits must go to a surprisingly credible Ashton Kutcher in the lead role. The principal focus of the movie is on the years between the foundation of Apple, Inc. in a suburban garage and Jobs' return to the company after years in exile for being an absolute prat. To the filmmakers' credit, they do not hold back on illuminating viewers on the dark side of the man. However, many of his sudden mood swings are hard to fathom. Rating: 2.5/5

* KICK-ASS 2 (MA15+) Give this bummer the boot, US, 103 min
What was once so rad is now just plain sad. The original Kick-Ass was a maverick excitement machine, sending up and taking down the entire comic-book superhero genre with genuine, game-changing panache. This terrible sequel is everything its subversive predecessor so cleverly avoided becoming : a witlessly violent, mean and misogynistic affair. The all-new adventures of amateur crimefighters Kick-Ass (Aaron Johnson) and Hit-Girl (Chloe Moretz) are shoddily derivative at best. At their worst, proceedings amount to a new low for mainstream cinema in 2013. One truly scummy scene where attempted rape is played for laughs sums up the many depressingly bad impulses being indulged here. Avoid. Rating: 1/5

* THE MORTAL INSTRUMENTS : CITY OF BONES (M) Sometime out of tune, often dead catchy, US, 131 min
It's a little bit Twilight. It's a little bit Harry Potter. Heck, it's even a little bit Percy Jackson. It's also a whole lotta hooey. Though hardly the most right-on play at the lucrative young-adult blockbuster market, it would be unwise to write off the first Mortal Instruments movie as a totally derivative dud. Based on a popular series of novels by Cassandra Clare, enough potential is shown - by virtue of a welcome, self-mocking sense of humour - to suggest it could be a franchise worth sticking with. Lily Collins (Mirror Mirror) stars as Clary, a young woman searching for her missing mother in a secret realm that co-exists alongside normal life in New York City. Clary falls in with a mysterious tribe of warrior angels known as Shadowhunters, only discover she may be bred to be a demon-slayer herself. Probably a fans-only affair, but the unconvinced will make it through by focusing on the knowingly nutty stuff sprinkled across this tale. Co-stars Jamie Campbell Bowers, Lena Headey. Rating: 2.5/5

* NOW YOU SEE ME (M) Taking the money with no need to run, US, 116 min
This slick'n'slippery heist movie might get more ridiculously illogical by the minute, but there can be no denying it is serious escapist fun throughout. An A-team of maverick illusionists has been assembled for a magic show that takes Vegas by storm. Their signature trick? Robbing a bank live on stage, in full view of their audience. Huh? You have to see it to believe it. When the troupe is held responsible for millions missing from a Paris bank vault - without ever setting foot in France - the FBI and Interpol take a forensic interest in the workings of the act. Of course, the magicians refuse to reveal a single trade secret. Though continually in the spotlight and under the microscope, their stunts become all the more audacious and inexplicable. A well-cast ensemble including Jesse Eisenberg, Woody Harrelson, Michael Caine, Isla Fisher and Morgan Freeman are clearly having a grand time having a lend of us all. Allow yourself to be completely duped, and you are certain to be highly entertained. Rating: 3.5/5

* PARANOIA (M) Yes, we are talking about you ... for all the wrong reasons, US, 89 min
A total crock from start to finish, this supposed high-concept thriller is a low-IQ snoozer. The Hemsworth that isn't Thor (Liam) plays a wet-behind-the-ears software developer about to get it right between the eyes from two rival tech tycoons (Harrison Ford and Gary Oldman). Our hero is blackmailed by one hardnut honcho to spy on the other, and spends most of the picture looking as dazed and confused as the audience. The script conveniently leaps from one face-slapping coincidence to the next without as much as a knowing wink to the viewer (a gesture which might have helped these laughable proceedings no end). Co-stars Amber Heard, Richard Dreyfuss. Rating: 1.5/5

* RED 2 (M) Get old, get even, get outta here, US, 98 min
For those action fans still unsure about The Expendables, there's always the Red gang to fall back on. Think of them as The Ex-pensioner-ables - slightly older, but no more wiser. Bruce Willis, John Malkovich and Helen Mirren can only muster moderate outward enthusiasm for the franchise's codgers-as-cold-blooded-assassins shtick this time around. With Morgan Freeman unable to return for this so-so sequel, the new old faces on the block here are Anthony Hopkins (slightly under-pitching his performance) and Catherine Zeta-Jones (slightly overdoing her fake-tanning regimen). The plot centres on a long-lost atomic bomb. The movie fails to detonate. Rating: 2/5

* RIDDICK (MA15+) A return to Vinning ways, US, 118 min
Vin Diesel's character of Riddick, an intergalactic outlaw with night-visiony eyes and steroidy muscles, stole the show in the very good Pitch Black (2000). Then stole our dough in the very bad Chronicles of Riddick (2004). In terms of entertainment value, the new movie sits smack-bang between the previous two. The wonky excesses of Chronicles have been ripped up. The last-bad-man-on-a-last-bad-planet stylings of Pitch Black have been stitched back together. In this passable affair, Riddick is stuck on a far-flung world with just 11 bounty hunters that want him dead for company. Will he survive to fight another day (and star in another sequel)? No answers please. Co-stars Matt Nable, Katie Sackhoff. Rating: 2.5/5

* R.I.P.D. (M) Not quite having the time of their afterlife, US, 94 min
After stiffing big-time in the States, R.I.P.D. arrives in Australia with the reputation of a filmed version of the killer flu. It is not hard to understand why this indulgently eccentric action flick bit the dust. After all, the core premise here quite literally states that the only good cop is a dead cop. Not everyone's gonna be on-board with that. However, R.I.P.D. is in no way an outright terrible movie. There is a handful of strange and rather awesome moments on offer, and some appealing kooky in-jokery rippled through the script. A mismatched Ryan Reynolds and Jeff Bridges play deceased police officers who join a heavenly task force that hunt escapees from hell. Starts very solidly, but goes very soft by the end. Rating: 2/5

* THE ROCKET (PG) We have liftoff, Australia, 98 min
A tough-skinned, yet tender-hearted coming-of-age drama, The Rocket effortlessly launches itself in viewers' affections, and remains there throughout. Filmed in the war-ravaged nation of Laos by Australian filmmaker Kim Mourdant, this is the story of a young lad named Ahlo (Sitthiphon Disamoe). A resourceful child, Ahlo was born a twin, a status which has cast a long shadow over his short life (in Laotian culture, it is believed one twin is good and the other is evil). This one little boy must prove the fates wrong, and The Rocket (which takes its name from a fireworks festival which forms a key element of the movie) offers an irresistible ground-level view of the mountainous quest before him. Rating: 4/5

* SALINGER (M) The one-novel wonder who kept them wondering, US, 125 min
The late J.D. Salinger would have loathed the new documentary about his life. Like that timeless teen rebel Holden Caulfield, the hero of Salinger's sole published novel Catcher in the Rye, the author hated "phonies". This doco can get very phony on occasion. Understandable, perhaps, considering there is so little reliable info about Salinger on or off the record out there. However, some of the fakery in play here (including a regrettable series of re-enactments) is not so forgivable. The doco pushes all available data about the author at the viewer. But it cannot pull the viewer any closer to the man. Three years after his passing at age 91, J.D. Salinger can still black out the limelight at will. Rating: 2.5/5

* THE SMURFS 2 (G) Falling far short of Smurfection, US, 105 min
Here comes another one just like the other one. Only not as good. And the other one wasn't much good to begin with. To no-one's great surprise, the makers of The Smurfs 2 have brought nothing new to the table aside from a fresh digit at the end of the title. If you were feeling particularly generous, you could also factor in a change of general locale to Paris as a change for the better. But really, when it's all about the squeaky blue freaks eeking away in the foreground, the background just doesn't matter. Nor do those lining up for an easy pay cheque here. Katy Perry provides the unoiled-door voice of Smurfette, who has been abducted by the villainous Gargamel (Hank Azaria) to bring on what he calls "Smurf-A-Geddon." 1.5/5

* STOKER (MA15+) Could be a hell of a mourning, US, 98 min
A worrying mood piece, directed with enigmatic menace by the celebrated Korean filmmaker Park Chan-Wook (Oldboy). India (Mia Wasikowska) is a teen reacting to the death of her father by dropping all social niceties. So when her mother (Nicole Kidman) starts getting nicely social with a mysterious brother-in-law (Matthew Goode), India retreats further into her shell. What follows is an unorthodox take on a psychological drama, fully loaded not only with a raft of toxic inter-personal tensions, but also dangerous impulses that reveal themselves in most disturbing (sometimes, even horrifying) ways. While this unsettling material has been fashioned for adventurous tastes, the three compelling lead performances makes the experience feel far more accessible than it really is. Rating: 3.5/5

* WE'RE THE MILLERS (MA15+) Small crack-ups in a grass menagerie, US, 110 min
Middling comedy lacking the smarts to capitalise on a clever premise. Jason Sudeikis stars as a low-level pot dealer forced to participate in a high-stakes drugs deal to get rid of a crushing debt to his supplier. In order to smuggle a major marijuana haul across the Mexican border, he gathers a motley bunch (including Jennifer Aniston as a stripper) to pose as his fake family to avoid suspicion. There are just enough laughs to be had to allow this sketchy, smutty affair the benefit of the doubt. There are never enough laughs to be had to extinguish any doubt it is not as funny as it might have been. co-stars Emma Roberts, Nick Offerman. Rating: 2.5/5

* WHAT MAISIE KNEW (M) When a little knowledge is too much information, US, 95 min
If only Maisie didn't know anything in What Maisie Knew. Sometimes ignorance can indeed be bliss. Maisie (a stunning performance by Onata Aprile) is seven years old. She lives in New York City. Her mother, Susanna (Julianne Moore), is a washed-up rock star. Her dad, Beale (Steve Coogan) is just a wash-out. All that Maisie ever hears is her parents fighting. They are no longer together, but apart they are as damaging to the welfare of their daughter as they have ever been. This brilliantly-acted study in emotional neglect as child abuse can be quite wrenching to watch. Though Maisie is living in relatively affluent surrounds, the worry for her well-being steadily rises throughout the picture. Rating: 3.5/5

* WHITE HOUSE DOWN (M) The hunt for a weapon of mass distraction is over, US, 131 min
There is some magnificent trash to be treasured in White House Down. Action fans who want nothing more than a rush, a laugh and a lot of cartoonish collateral damage should book their tickets now. Resistance is useless. Logistics are irrelevant. It's all about the bang-bang-bang, the boom-boom-boom, and Channing Tatum getting his Die Hard groove on. Tatum plays a low-ranking Congressional bodyguard who somehow finds himself the sole protector of the US President (Jamie Foxx) when the White House comes under a frightening terrorist attack. There is no other apt way of putting it : this is big, dumb fun. You may never be intellectually challenged by its contents, but you will never, ever be bored. Rating: 3/5