Secrets from James Packer’s $283m superyacht

Photos of James Packer partying on his superyacht with Hollywood’s elite show he has become Australia’s Leonardo DiCaprio.

James Packer has become Australia’s Leonardo DiCaprio.

He might not have an Oscar, but he does have a superyacht and, these days, that’s really all Leo is known for anyway.

Photos emerged this week of the Aussie billionaire doing a DiCaprio - sunning himself on his $283 million superyacht with hot chicks and Hollywood’s elite.

First there was Robert De Niro (not a hot chick), along with the actor’s girlfriend Tiffany Chen and his daughter Helen Grace.

While it seems like the pairing of Packer and De Niro is like one of those unlikely animal friendship videos you see on YouTube, where a bulldog is chilling out on top of a placid crocodile’s head, their relationship actually goes back to when Packer bought a stake in the actor’s infamous Japanese restaurant and hotel chain, Nobu, in 2015. So it might not be exactly the same as one of those unlikely animal friendship videos, but it’s still weird. Like a really old budgerigar being friends with a hermit crab.

Then came the photos of 23-year-old Brooklyn Beckham - the son of Posh Spice and footballer David Beckham - and his new wife Nicola Peltz, whose billionaire dad Nelson was close friends with James’ late father Kerry. Yeah, there’s way too many names in that last sentence. Anyway, the two twenty-somethings were also snapped frolicking on Packer’s sea palace.

James Packer entertains friends on his new super yacht - Australia Day celebrations on Sydney Harbour in 2010.

The point is: All this screams of Leo Dicaprio. Anyone who has vaguely flicked their eye over a tabloid website in the past decade knows Leo loves nothing more than hanging with hot chicks and other celebs on superyachts.

The Titanic star was snapped earlier this year on a hand-me-down superyacht he borrowed from a random Swiss billionaire, worth a reported $218 million.

Apparently you’re no one unless you have access to a superyacht. If you don’t have a superyacht, how else will you lure celebrities and hot people into being your friends – like James and Leo?

Admit it. We’d all pretend to be friends with someone if they had a superyacht. Mainly because it’s fun to nonchalantly tell work colleagues on Monday, “Oh, my weekend was alright – just hung out on a superyacht”. We’d even try not to cringe when said superyacht owner made us call them “captain”.

The epic yacht features accommodation for 22 people.

Being friends with a superyacht owner is probably exhausting. They’d be like guys who’ve just bought a drone from JB Hi-Fi and won’t shut up about it. “Dude, we took the drone up yesterday – check out these photos! Have you flown a drone? You GOTTA fly a drone!”

We’d probably let the friendship with the superyacht owner die in Winter - forgetting to respond to their text messages. There’s no need for a superyacht in Winter. But then, by Spring, we’d be skulking back into the superyacht owner’s life like a cat in the next-door neighbour’s yard after midnight.

“Do ya reckon we can get on his superyacht this weekend?” your partner might ask you after checking the weather app.

The question would make you grimace. “Eeek. Duuno. We’ve been ignoring him for six months. If I text, do ya reckon he’ll know we just wanna go on the superyacht?”

Yes. Yes, the superyacht owner will know you’re using him for his superyacht. But the superyacht owner doesn’t care. The superyacht owner is dying for you to come on his superyacht just so he can brag to you about his superyacht.

The billionaire tried selling his superyacht last year but he kept it after receiving just “one paltry low-ball offer”. Picture: Scott Barbour/Getty Images.

Now seems like an appropriate time to ponder why the hell anyone actually needs a superyacht. Like, sure, we’ll go on one if it’s available. But why are they even built in the first place? Superyachts always seem glamorous until you start wondering about who the hell has to clean all the toilets on the damn thing.

No one has any legitimate reason for owning a superyacht.

Packer even tried selling his last year. Then Sunday Confidential reported he had to keep it after receiving just “one paltry low-ball offer”.

That’s the problem with buying a kajillion dollar superyacht that no one else can afford. When you go to sell it, you literally can’t.

And what do you even do on a superyacht? Eat duck, apparently. For three meals a day.

That’s what the deckhand of one billionaire blabbed this week in the beer garden of a Brisbane pub we were both in.

“She eats duck three times a day,” the deckhand said about the lady of the superyacht while lighting a cigarette.

“Cheese, bread and duck. And she walks around in a Swarovski crystal-encrusted kaftan. One day, the beads started falling off – so I got the dustpan, swept them up and sold them for $15,000.”

Then the deckhand stubbed out their cigarette and made a bold declaration.

“I’ve never been to Brisbane before, but I love it! It’s Australia’s Positano.”

Huh. Maybe Packer should take his superyacht there.

Twitter, Facebook: @hellojamesweir

Originally published as Secrets from James Packer’s $283m superyacht