‘I was suffering’: Inside Jackie O’s secret life

Jackie O has revealed why she was “pissed off” after finally revealing her secret drug addiction and the response that left her “shocked”.

When Jackie O Henderson arrived at rehab she wasn’t grateful, she was “pissed off” that her best friend and manager Gemma O’Neill had insisted she go.

“It is my biggest fear to be surrounded by ‘yes’ people,” she told news.com.au, but at the time, she got more than she bargained for.

Jackie said that in retrospect, she now feels grateful to Gemma and for having a real friend that had her back. But in 2022, she was annoyed.

She was a busy radio host with a primary school-aged daughter. She didn’t have time to go to rehab.

But thanks to Gemma, she was checked into the Betty Ford clinic in California and was officially off-air.

The only reason the 49-year-old even confessed to her best friend that she had an addiction to alcohol, sleeping pills and painkillers was because her supplier had been caught.

She panicked.

“I know people who do drugs. I could have asked them when that person got busted,” she said.

“I could have asked people who know those people, but I didn’t want to out myself to anyone.”

Jackie O’s best mate booked her into rehab. Picture: Instagram/JackieO

Gemma took charge of the situation. Picture: Instagram/JackieO

Jackie said there was too much “shame” attached to addiction, but even at her lowest, she knew she could trust Gemma.

The pair’s friendship is Jackie’s most successful long-running partnership outside her one with co-host Kyle Sandilands. They don’t just work together; they are there for each other.

The radio host figured she’d confess to Gemma and then attempt to quit, but her best mate and manager had other plans.

“When I called her, I wasn’t thinking she’d be putting me into rehab,” she said.

“When she said she’d already booked it. I was shocked and resistant.”

Jackie says at the time life had spiralled out of control, but on the surface, things looked fine.

She turned up to work every day, lived in a beautiful home in Sydney’s eastern suburbs, and was still a very hands-on and loving mum.

Nothing looked wrong and rehab felt like overkill.

Jackie said there was so much ‘shame’ that came from addiction. Picture: Instagram/KyleandJackieOShow

She was struggling at the time. Picture: Instagram/KyleandJackieOShow

Jackie said she “pushed against” her best mate’s advice and didn’t think she needed such full-on help.

Despite her protests, she checked into rehab, and that was when she felt most angry.

“I wasn’t pissed off until I got there and then I thought ‘I’m really pissed off now’,” she said.

When she arrived, she thought Gemma had “overreacted” and now she was stuck in America, away from her family, friends, and work.

It wasn’t like she was addicted to hard drugs, but after staying there for a few days, she quickly realised something.

Addiction is the “same disease” for anyone who struggles with it, no matter the substance, and she needed help.

“I realised it wasn’t an over-reaction because I really did need to address all the underlying issues because the problem never would have been solved,” she admitted.

“Just using willpower never would have been enough.”

The radio star said willpower alone never would have been enough to get her through her addiction. Picture: NCA NewsWire / Christian Gilles

She’s now glad she went to rehab. Picture: Supplied/CRA

Now she’s been clean for two years, she can also understand how badly she was suffering before.

“Physically, I was suffering,” she said.

“It was a vicious cycle. As soon as you come out of it and feel good, you’re back and doing it all over again.”

Jackie explained that it was like living with a permanent hangover.

“Every day it was so hard to get out bed. I felt really tired and hungover,” she said.

She said she started most days hungover in the peak of her addiction. Picture: Supplied

It took her two years to share her story with the public and even most of her friends.

When she was in the middle of her addiction, the idea of it coming out felt “horrific”, but now she’s told her story, she’s at peace.

“It is the best way to live,” she said.

“I don’t have anything to hide and I don’t want to keep a secret.”

Jackie said sharing her addiction story has been “freeing” and she feels like she’s living out her truth.

“The fear of judgement kept everything locked away. But I have removed that fear from my life now,” she said.

The radio host said she now feels “calmer” than ever and, most importantly, happy, perhaps even the happiest she’s ever been.

There’s also a comparison no one could argue against.

When everyone thought Jackie O was okay, she hosted Sydney’s number one breakfast show but was otherwise private.

Now she’s out and about, mingling with mates, and she’s become an open book, to the point she’s written a book, The Whole Truth, and she’s elated that she finally told her story.

Originally published as ‘I was suffering’: Inside Jackie O’s secret life