Old-school message to bullies: Stop blaming your upbringing and take control
Bullying is a choice and perpetrators should take responsibility for their actions instead of blaming their parents, say two professors with some tough love for bullies.
As educators and researchers, we’ve spent many years exploring why people behave the way they do – and one truth has become clear to us both: bullying is a choice.
It’s often explained away as a product of environment, upbringing or circumstance. But when we examine it through the lenses of psychology, neuroscience and philosophy, that view doesn’t hold. Bullying is not something imposed on people by external forces – it’s a conscious act made in the present moment.
A matter of choice
When someone bullies another person, they are making a deliberate choice to do so. The past cannot be changed, and the future is only an idea. The only time we can act is in the present – and in that moment, each of us decides how to think and behave.
Responsibility Theory (Dr Purje’s perspective on personal and classroom behaviour management) is grounded in this understanding. When individuals blame others for their actions, they give away their power to change. True growth begins with self-responsibility. Thoughts, choices and actions are self-activated. There is no one else to blame.
Bullying will stop only when those who choose to bully make the conscious decision to stop. The power to change rests entirely with the individual.
The science of harm
From a neuroscientific perspective, bullying causes immediate and lasting harm. When someone is bullied, their body releases stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol. Heart rate and blood pressure rise, breathing quickens, and the brain’s prefrontal cortex – responsible for rational thinking and decision-making – becomes disrupted.
This stress response not only diminishes wellbeing but also interferes with concentration, learning and emotional regulation. Over time, these repeated surges of stress can physically reshape the brain, fuelling anxiety, depression and reduced resilience. The trauma of bullying can cripple learning and emotional health long after the schoolyard years have ended.
But the damage is not limited to the victim. Neuroscience shows that bullies’ brains also change. Each act of aggression reinforces neural pathways associated with dominance, emotional detachment and reward through control. In essence, the more someone bullies, the more the brain learns to normalise and even seek out that behaviour.
Both the victim and the bully can carry hidden brain scars – lasting patterns of neural activity that increase the risk of ongoing mental health challenges, including chronic anxiety, aggression or difficulty forming healthy relationships.
Yet there is hope. Every time someone chooses not to bully, they strengthen the brain’s pathways for empathy, self-control and positive behaviour. The brain adapts and grows in response to our choices, constantly reshaping itself toward the behaviours we practise.
Taking back responsibility
Responsibility Theory offers a simple but powerful principle: “I am responsible for, and have power over, what I think, do, say, and choose”.
By focusing on personal accountability rather than external blame, individuals gain control over their behaviour. In schools, this approach helps teachers and students create calmer, more cooperative environments – and its message extends far beyond the classroom.
A shared message
Whether in education, workplaces or everyday life, the lesson is the same: we all have control over how we treat others.
Bullying is destructive, but it is not inevitable. With responsibility comes freedom – and the power to choose growth over harm.
Do you agree? Leave a comment or email us at education@news.com.au
