The work from home lie: We may be home, but we’re not working, argues Susie O’Brien
Working from home is getting harder to justify, even in Australia’s slacker paradise, Victoria, argues Susie O’Brien. We may be at home, but chances are we’re not working.
Working from home is a beautiful lie we’re all living.
Sure, we’re at home– but let’s be honest, we’re not really working.
Shhhh… don’t say that too loudly or someone might actually expect us to work during work hours and take away our precious days of leisure, sunshine and laundry.
Thank goodness for Jacinta Allan, Victoria’s premier and unofficial patron saint of professional procrastination. She’s mandating our right to work from home at least two days a week. Two whole days!
That’s barely enough time to reorganise the linen cupboard, take the dog for three walks, and tackle that pile of washing that’s achieved small mountain status.
Victoria has just officially become Australia’s slacker paradise. Take that, Queensland!
Naturally, business leaders are not happy.
CSL chairman Brian McNamee reckons his company’s sagging profits are partly due to workers being less productive at home.
Plumbing giant Reece’s CEO Peter Wilson calls Victoria “the toughest place in the country” to do business because getting workers back to the office is like herding cats in tracksuit pants.
Flight Centre chief executive Graham Turner has gone so far as to assert that his company’s default position is to “have people working from work”.
It’s a sign of the bizarre times we are in when bosses have to justify wanting workers to turn up to work.
But here’s the uncomfortable truth: most of us don’t achieve much at home.
We’re supposed to be “driving innovation and building capacity,” but instead we’re driving kids to orthodontist appointments and building IKEA furniture that definitely doesn’t look like the picture.
It’s hard to “maintain intimate virtual connection” when your kidult who hasn’t yet moved out is bellowing from the bathroom about toilet paper shortages and the Wi-Fi’s having another existential crisis.
Look, I love working from home. There’s something liberating about conducting Zoom meetings pants-free with my dog as deputy and osso bucco bubbling away on the stove.
But let’s not kid ourselves. One study found 76 per cent of home workers admit to doing personal tasks, exercising, and grabbing coffee during work hours. That’s just what they’re willing to confess – imagine what they’re not admitting to.
We’ve become so comfortable in our trackie-clad kingdoms that any suggestion of returning to actual offices triggers the kind of outrage usually reserved for pineapple-on-pizza debates. Some unions are demanding six months’ notice before workers have to swap their slippers for shoes. Six months!
Elon Musk – never one for subtlety – called work-from-home obsessives delusional: “People should get off their Goddamn moral high horse with that work from home bulls**t. Because they’re asking everyone else to not work from home while they do.”
He’s got a point. I’m pretty sure your local barista, tradie, nurse, or firey isn’t penning tearful LinkedIn posts about the “trauma” of showing up to their workplace two days a week.
Fair enough if you’ve got young kids, elderly parents, or a commute that resembles an episode of Survivor. But the rest of us? Come on.
Some workers now claim office attendance is a “financial and emotional burden”. You know what’s a bigger burden? Not having a pay packet.
As the kids say: WIITFM? (What’s in it for me?) Well, there’s this novel concept called a salary.
In the old days, getting paid money for doing work was considered a pretty sweet deal. Now apparently any job we deign to accept must include the right to work from the local café, buy two lattes and pester staff for Wi-Fi passwords while claiming we’re “collaborating remotely”.
Maybe it’s time to admit the obvious: Victoria’s about to become Australia’s official headquarters for professional pajama-wearing. After the past few years, we’ve probably earned it.
Just don’t expect us to be productive and wear pjs at the same time.
