Families struggle to retain slower pace of life, greater connections COVID-19 restrictions have allowed

As COVID-19 lockdowns are lifted, many families are pushing back against a return to busy schedules which leave them feeling time-poor and stressed.

Mum Amy Zadow with children Henry, Samuel, and Thomas, and Thomas' girlfriend, Tania. The family has enjoyed the closeness lockdown has allowed them. Picture: Naomi Jellicoe

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A leading national voice on parenting is calling on Australian families not to let positive changes adopted through COVID-19 fall away as life returns to normal.

Parenting and family author and expert Justin Coulson says he fears feelings of being time-poor and stressed will return as the busyness of life takes over.

He says the sentiment is being echoed by parents he speaks to across the nation.

“Every family has had the opportunity over the past two and a half months to learn new things about one another and what they value,” Dr Coulson, a father-of-six, says.

“The thing that I’m hearing most frequently from parents is the sense they’ve had of ‘slowing down and having time’.

“I think everyone is going to come away from this with learnings, and if we take those lessons and learn them properly, they will change the way we function as a family … we will grow from this experience.

“(If we don’t), people are going to miss what we have had and look back at this time with nostalgia. My message to parents is: slow it down, be a little more intentional.”

Dr Coulson says the key is identifying, as a family, the things people liked most during lockdown.

“Talk about what’s worked and do more of it. Find ways to make those things consistently a part ofwhat you’re doing every day,” he says.

“The first thing I would be suggesting is to sit down with the kids and have them tell you what they enjoyed.

“The next step is coming up with strategies and solutions everyone can feel good about, so that you don’t lose those insights and opportunities.”

It might be simply resolving to regularly have dinner together as a family, setting a time once a week, fortnight or month to play board games or even continuing nightly walks together around the neighbourhood.

“I think it’s going to be a big cultural shock as people start to reboot but, hopefully, we make the kinds of decisions that will connect and bring our families together,” Dr Coulson says.

“The whole concept of resilience is you are supposed to bounce back but I have never liked that. I’m interested in how we can be improved by adversities, challenges and experiences and I think this is an opportunity for us to improve, not to just go back to the way we were.”

Adelaide registered psychologist and mum-of-three Amy Zadow agrees there has been welcome benefits to the forced family time.

“Certainly, there is a whole range of people, myself included, who have reported they have had wonderful experiences with their children during this time,” Dr Zadow, also a research associate at UniSA’s Centre for Workplace Excellence, says.

“For many, it’s been a really unique opportunity to spend time with teenage children who usually don’t want to spend a lot of time with their parents.

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“From a personal perspective, we went from having an absolutely packed schedule of football and volleyball, two parties and a whole variety of things one weekend, to nothing at all the following – it was a bit of a shock to start with and eerily quiet.”

Dr Zadow said the family, who also had their eldest son’s girlfriend staying with them during lockdown, quickly found a new rhythm, which included walks together around the local suburb and the kids helping to cook meals.

“As wetransition back to ‘normality’ I’m sure there will be many who will miss their teenage children as they get back into school, friends and routine – we won’t see them anywhere near as much as we have been.

“But, hopefully, we’ll look back on this time and treasure the experiences that we did have.”

Some tips for your family

SIT down with your kids, have them tell you what they have enjoyed.

COME up with strategies and solutions everyone can feel good about.

FOR example, you might say, “We’ve really enjoyed having dinner together as a family every night, so let’s keep doing that”.

OR, “We’ve really enjoyed how often we have played board games, or puzzles – we never used to do that – let’s make sure we have a puzzles or games night every week, or month.”

IT could be, “We’ve really liked our evening walks around the block so let’s keep that up, let’s not let go of it just because school is back.”

ASK your children, “What have you enjoyed most, which things do you think we can keep?”

THEN, as a family, you honour that.