‘Shut up’: The stark truth about men’s tears in 2025

There’s one question that makes men get really weird really fast exposing a grim male reality in 2025.

If you want to make a man uncomfortable, even in 2025, it is pretty simple: ask him, “When was the last time you cried?”

I learnt this just the other week, when I asked a few male friends of mine that question at the pub, and they all got really weird, really fast.

One claimed not since primary school, the other mumbled something about when he was at least under 10.

One mate said, “Like, I’ll cry over death and stuff, but only if I know the dead person.”

I’ll let you unpack that in your own time.

Their defensive and frankly strange responses really threw me because I thought they’d all be chill about crying.

I live in Sydney’s inner city, and hang out with men who have relatively progressive views and drink coffees made with oat milk.

But I could tell that asking them when they last cried made them feel embarrassed and dare I say, emasculated.

In comparison, when I asked my female friends the same question, they were very not weird about it.

They all admitted to crying frequently and had no hesitation in admitting it. It made me realise there is still so much stigma around men crying.

But are men perpetuating this stigma?

If you want to make a man uncomfortable, even in 2025, it is pretty simple. Ask him: ‘When was the last time you cried?’ Picture: iStock

Every woman I know finds it incredibly attractive when a man shows even just a hint of emotion.

I once thought it was good news when a guy I was seeing cried when he lost his job, because I figured it was proof he was not a psychopath.

I probably shouldn’t have dated someone I was suspicious of being a psychopath … but whatever, I was bored that summer.

I decided to take my man question to the street and headed down to ask the beautiful people of Bondi, how do we really feel about men crying?

One sassy man, armed with a cup of coffee and with nowhere to be at 9am on a weekday, informed me that he does not like it when straight men get emotional - at all.

“If a straight guy cries, it is like grow up,” he said. “I would say shut up!”

Not precisely the evolved response I was expecting.

In contrast, another guy stopped to chat and said he was all for men crying.

“I think it is fine to cry,” he said. “I would ideally like to cry more, sometimes, I actually find it quite difficult.”

Huge slay from that emotionally evolved king.

He revealed he is simply not a fan of seeing straight men cry. Picture: news.com.au

He explained that he actually wished he was able to cry more often. Picture: news.com.au

A young woman stopped to chat and declared she was all for men weeping.

“I think a lot more men should let it out,” she informed me.

Similarly, another Gen Z lady said pretty much exactly the same thing.

“I think it is good when boys cry,” she declared.

For a moment there, I had a good run of emotionally intelligent Gen Z ladies telling me men should cry more and that it is hot when men cry.

It felt like a real sign that there’s more progressiveness around male tears than you’d think … but then two girls stopped to chat and were hesitant when I asked if they found it attractive when a man cries.

“Depends what it is about,” one replied cautiously.

“Death?” I fired back.

“Oh obviously that is fine,” she said.

Phew!

She is totally for men crying and believes it is a positive thing! Picture: news.com.au

In general women were very positive about male tears. Picture: news.com.au

I then spied a bunch of men enjoying the sun and immediately accosted the entire group demanding answers.

Do they think it is a positive thing when men cry?

“It is frowned upon a little but sometimes I feel like it is important too,” one said.

“You got to let the emotions out,” another agreed.

Then, when I asked them when the last time they shed a few tears … suddenly, the men weren’t as chatty.

 “Couldn’t tell you,” one said.

“I can’t remember,” another declared.

One of their mates bucked the trend, though.

He said he’d cried a “couple of months ago” and the rest of men did a lot of understanding nodding in response.

In comparison, every woman I spoke to not only could recall the last time they cried, but it was never that long ago.

“Two days ago,” one said.

“About two weeks ago. I think I’m due for another one,” another lady declared.

“Umm yesterday,” one woman admitted with a laugh.

He could not recall the last time he shed some tears. Picture: news.com.au

She’s totally fine with men crying and believes it is a green flag. Picture: news.com.au

Seaway Counselling and Psychotherapy clinical psychotherapist Julie Sweet told news.com.au there are many reasons the “stigma persists” around men and crying.

“Many men grow up absorbing archaic and outdated mindsets about masculinity that simply haven’t evolved over time,” she said.

“There’s also a fear of intimacy and vulnerability, often rooted in early experiences where emotional expression wasn’t welcomed or modelled.”

Ms Sweet said that for some men, they have been wrongly told that “crying equates to weakness”, and this means they don’t feel comfortable crying or, at the very least, not admitting to it.

“For some men, healthy emotional caregivers weren’t present - they didn’t see feelings named, a range of emotions expressed, or pain processed through tears,” she said.

“Instead, they learnt that crying equates to weakness, threatens the ego, or makes them appear less than. This lack of emotional modelling creates a deeply embedded narrative that tears are unsafe or unacceptable.”

Ms Sweet explained why it is important for men to cry. Picture: Supplied

Ms Sweet, that crying is a helpful tool for both men and women, and it needs to be normalised.

“From a therapeutic standpoint, crying is a healthy, effective way to move emotion through the body, rather than letting it stay stuck or suppressed,” she said.

“It supports self-regulation, central nervous system soothing, and a more grounded connection to a person’s inner world. Tears can be profoundly healing, helping men access the emotional range they may never have been taught to recognise or honour.”

Ms Sweet said we should encourage men to cry because crying is an emotional release that should be normalised.

“When men feel free to cry, they often become more connected, more attuned, and more emotionally available both to themselves and to others,” she said.

The clinical psychotherapist said many men that she has worked with have really struggled with letting themselves cry.

“I’ve seen male clients who, after finally allowing themselves to cry, disclose feeling lighter, clearer, and more connected to their own sense of self,” she said.

“That first emotional release, as hard and confusing as it was for some male clients, often opened the door to deeper healing, more authentic expression, and a greater capacity to process what previously felt overwhelming or unreachable.”

Originally published as ‘Shut up’: The stark truth about men’s tears in 2025