‘You need to be a team’: Scott Pape’s investment advice for couples trading in cryptocurrency

It’s been a scary time on financial markets and Barefoot has some sage advice for a woman whose husband lost big on crypto.

Scott Pape is writing a business book for kids.

Liz walked into the bedroom with tears in her eyes.

I glanced up at her and my heart went into my mouth: she was waving a stick at me with two lines.

“You’re pregnant?! Again?!” I screamed.

“No, I have COVID!” she screamed back.

“Oh, well thank god for that” I said, visibly sighing.

(Which in hindsight was not the response she was looking for at that moment.)

Little did we know, the next week was about to get much worse.

That’s because everyone in our family got struck down … well, except me.

What are the chances?

By Wednesday I was strutting around like I’d won first prize on Survivor. Liz had a hunch and suggested I get some ‘proper testing’ at a drive-through.

So I did.

After a long wait, I wound down my window, took off my mask, and smiled at the nurse.

“What brings you here today?” she asked politely.

And then she threw herself back from my car and started screaming at me to close my window.

I could see the terror in her eyes as I madly fumbled to close my window.

At that point one of her colleagues ran to her aid, and then she too started screaming at me.

For the next 15 seconds it was total pandemonium. I had no idea what was going on because (a) my window was up, and (b) they were both screaming and pointing at me from behind their face masks and visors.

Did I have a new super-weird mutating variant?

What the hell was getting these two so steamed up?

And then I saw it:

Investors have been seeing a hairy huntsman or two crawling around their stock portfolios.

A giant huntsman crawled down from the roof of my car to my window, then back on to the roof.

“I’m sorry, I have a spider phobia” said the nurse, her eyes darting frantically around the roof of my car.

The poor woman was terrified. As was I. After all, it’s not the calmest set-up for someone who’s about to push a stick up your nose and down your throat.

Of course, she’s not the only one who’s been getting the shakes lately … investors have been seeing a hairy huntsman or two crawling around their stock portfolios, with the market falling in January.

So is this the start of a major sell-off … or just a temporary blip?

You’ve probably got a hunch.

So, given it’s my first week back, let’s test your gut:

Where do you think housing, shares and Bitcoin will be at the end of the year?

(For reference, last year housing was up 22 per cent, Aussie shares were up 16 per cent last year, yet fell by roughly 5 per cent in January, and the price of Bitcoin is currently US$35,000).

It’s easy to be a hero in hindsight (“I knew 2022 was going to turn out like that”), much tougher to do it in real time.

So, take out your phone and read this script:

“Hey Siri/Hey Google/Hey FBI.

“On the first of January 2023, at 8am, remind me of the following predictions I made today:

“Aussie shares will go up/down XXX%.

“The Aussie housing market will go up/down YYY%.

And Bitcoin will be trading at $ZZZ.”

Go on, do it now!

Postscript: after a very long week, the family was raring to get out of isolation and head to the beach for a holiday. Just to be sure I took a RAT test. Bad news. I was pregnant.

What are the chances?

Tread Your Own Path!

I’M GOING TO KILL HIM

Scott,

My husband of 12 years finally fessed up. He has been trading crypto coins and has lost $57,000! This was money our family of five was relying on to upgrade from our tiny three-bedroom home. We have always had separate accounts but vaguely knew what each of us was doing. At least I thought I did. I thought he had his money in shares but, unbeknownst to me, he sold them last year and started trading crypto. I cannot believe he’d be so stupid, I just want to KILL him. He thinks the market will come back and wants to hold on. What say you?

Sally

Hi Sally,

A few years ago, I walked into the lounge and noticed red crayon scrawled all over a wall.

“Who did this?” I thundered.

My three-year-old nervously put up her hand and said, “Daddy, I made an ‘uh-oh’.”

At that point I had a choice: I could yell and scream, or I could thank her for being honest and suggest we work together to clean up the mess.

Sally, you are in the same position. Your husband has admitted to making a big mistake playing with the crypto crayons. It’s over, done-ski. The only way to win from here is for you two to clean up the mess together.

One woman’s husband lost $57,000 trading in the cryptocurrency market.

(This is one reason I’m not in favour of happily married couples keeping their money separate: you need to be a team.)

My tip?

Don’t invest your short-term savings in the share market or a digital beanie baby – keep it in your savings account.

Finally, if you’re asking me where the crypto market is going, I have absolutely no idea in the short term. Yet I do have a rough yardstick on when we’ll see the bottom:

When Dogecoin is valued at zero.

Woof!

TOP OF THE WORLD

Hi Barefoot,

I’m in the fortunate position of being about to receive a windfall on the sale of my business of $10 million. This is great but I don’t want to stuff it up from here! I’m only 45, with a wife and four kids, and I don’t know how to invest this. I’ve been badly burnt by financial advisers in the past so I’m reluctant to hand any of it over to some random to control. What should I do? Our only asset is our family home, worth $1.4 million with a loan of $700,000. What should I do?

Tom

Hey Tom,

Great stuff!

With ten big ones (well, call it nine-and-a-bit after you pay out the mortgage and buy some fancy stuff like cars, holidays and thermomixes), you need to have a strong understanding of what tools you need. Otherwise the finance industry will be very happy to sell you expensive magic wands.

With that in mind, here are a few things to think about:

Getting rich is different to staying rich:

You got rich by stacking all your chips on one business, but to stay rich you’ll need to spread your chips across thousands of businesses – preferably by investing in low-cost domestic and international index funds.

Don’t sell the farm:

Think of your share portfolio like a farm that provides you with a golden harvest of dividends each year (in your case around $300,000 a year!). Spend the yearly harvest, but never, ever sell the farm.

Get yourself a lawyer, son:

Even if you spend all your dividends, your kids still stand to inherit a $30 million (or more) fortune in the future. A family trust can help both protect your assets and minimise their taxes. You’ll need a lawyer for this.

Finally, keep working:

You need to find something that gets you out of bed each morning. This time round you don’t need to do it for the dough, though. Do it to make a difference.

THE SEVEN-YEAR-OLD FINANCIAL ADVISER

Dear Scott,

I am a seven-year-old who lives in Tasmania. I have read all your books and shared them with my mum. This is helping her pay her debts, and I will make sure she gets a super account. I own a small business (for pocket money) but I don’t know the business laws and I would like it if you wrote a book on what you can and can’t do in business.

Michael

Hi Michael,

Thank you for sharing my books with your mum, and for nagging her to set up a low-cost super fund.

You’re a good son!

In terms of writing a business book for kids, well, I’ll let you in on a little secret:

I’m writing one.

Late last year, my son, who’s roughly the same age as you (you two would get along so well), started asking me lots of questions about setting up his own business.

We had so much fun discussing it, I decided to write a book about it.

Watch this space.

DISCLAIMER: Information and opinions provided in this column are general in nature and have been prepared for educational purposes only. Always seek personal financial advice tailored to your specific needs before making financial and investment decisions.

Originally published as ‘You need to be a team’: Scott Pape’s investment advice for couples trading in cryptocurrency